There and Back #11

[SallyM]

thanks all. I'm coming down. shaking now because its cold in hte house. should just pack it in and crawl under my down comforter with some gilmore girls on the tv.

just sad.

we had one last conversation tonight. he texted me the longest text about how I shouldn't get his mother involved and he'd like me to stop talking to her because it upsets her so much.

I know it was wrong to do, but when i was on my runaway train this afternoon, I was trying to call different people to stop me...I needed someone to shake sense into me, before I made other calls/did something I would regret (or more that I would regret). she was the last person I wanted to call, but the only one that picked up. she got an earful. not the whole thing, but a good chunk of it. I feel rotten about it. I apologized at the time, I know that's not good enough.

I called H back (sorry, texting that much would have killed me tonight) and told him I was sorry, I explained why, and told him I wouldn't do it again. he sounded drained...literally like he'd been thru a war. just done with me, I'm done with him, its a nasty way to end a marriage.

so that was that. ended up on the phone all night, with my sister and with a couple of friends of mine. they let me rant and rave and carry on. by the 4th person (wow, huh?) I finally started to feel the adreneline drain...and now i'm pretty much a rag doll.

wow, this is all going to lead to a killer hangover tomorrow.

when my friend (the therapist, not my therapist) hear about all of this, I'm guessing I'm going to get an earful. therapy tomorrow, that's good.

h comes tomorrow night to see the kids. will have places to go, things to do. honestly, I'm done db'g. no more pretending, just going to gal and live my life and no more as if to him. I'm not cut out for it.