More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

So this is where the alien really comes in... W has been looking for a job to help fund her exploration into a new life - pay off some bills here, get OUR stuff taken care of, and then move out once she gets some cash saved.

So she interviewed in the beginning of last week and was really excited and confident. I supported her the whole way (emotionally, spiritually and gave her directions). She was told they would let her know on Thursday or Friday.

On Wednesday morning she told me that she didn't want to take this job because she wants a little more flexibility in the schedule. She was saying that she would go back to school in January and that, too, would make it a bad idea - she didn't want to take the job for 2 months and just leave.

Then she began saying that she could hold off classes until the Fall, but she would prefer a part-time job instead.

Okay, so I told her that if that's what she wanted to do, we would need to go over our finances to figure out a minimum she would need to bring in on a monthly basis to make that all possible. We decided we'd do it on Saturday.

Friday rolled around and she got the call. They want to offer her the position - $12.50 and hour (I think min. wage is $5.85 now). We did some quick math and decided that if she did take the job, even for 2 months, we would be in much better shape in a shorter amount of time and that for those 2 months, we would certainly be able to work around kids' schedules (I work from home so I have a VERY flexible position).

She never returned the call to the company. She figured once we got the finances straightened out, she would have a better idea of what she wanted to do.

I, on the other hand, was kicking myself for not taking care of the financial planning on my own (this is one of our issues, by the way. I am NOT good at the planning but I do it because someone has to. She is much better at it but always has a reason why she can't take it on).

Anyway, Saturday came and went. I tried to sit with her but she 1) was tired, 2) was too busy, 3) wasn't feeling well and finally, #4 - made plans to play her game.

I was furious. Instead of blowing up, I had to walk away. I just couldn't believe it.

I see that I am gun-shy at the moment. I should have let some time pass and sat with her to explain why we were doing this. Why we made the plan to go over things.

I will need to tell her tonight. Why? Because the company called her on Saturday, Sunday and Today!! They left a cell phone number for her to reach them after hours. She has not called them back.

I told her tonight that she's guaranteed to have lost the opportunity at that job.

She was getting ready to play HER GAME:

Me: Shouldn't we go over the finances?
Her: I didn't know we had a plan to do that tonight.
Me: We had a plan to do that on Saturday but it got blown off.
Her: Can we postpone?
*** Cell phone rings, I have an emergency at the office. So I'm downstairs now fuming about this.

As much as I know I have been changing - slowly - and as much as I want her to see those changes up close and personal, sometimes I just wish she would just leave! I have NEVER seen her act like such a spoiled child. I know that part of it is me enabling her. Part is that she does not know what she wants. But damn it, part is just a lack of common sense, maturity and an overabundance of selfishness.

I will do this myself. I will figure out what needs to be done. I will sit her down, explain what I've done, why I have done it and why I had to do it ALONE.

God she's killing me. Somewhere in there is the woman I love. The woman I married and want (really want) to spend the rest of my life with. I'm not sure where she's gotten lost but I hope to hell I can start pulling her back out soon.