Along with his childhood, you mentioned other major triggers to MLC; or QLC for those from around 27 to mid thirty "Quarter Life Crisis". These include perceived peak in career or sliding of career, new responsibility of fatherhood and provider, along with plain old passing of youth.
This is about him facing a change in life stages and not being ready ... it is moving too fast. He has not yet completed his last life stage (Youth or later, First Adulthood) and is unprepared by his raising. You can help yourself by reading all you can get your hands on. Understanding the Mid Life Crisis by Peter O'Conner (out of print but try Amazon or library) along with Surviving Your Husbands MLC by the late Sally Conway.
First adulthood is when the new M and new job and new house and new kids get started. Life becomes routine and peaceful for a time. Unless one is not prepared and encounters a QLC. This is not as severe as a MLC. One who completes a QLC becomes at peace with life and rarely repeats later in MLC. QLC has been described as the college grad who gets out ready to conquer the world but was not done playing around in school. Too much sudden responsibility. Or maybe they feel they M too young and started a family they don't know how to be responsible for. They see others who aren't burdened this way.
Second adulthood and MLC usually involve the job peaking and young guns are getting promoted. The house is a burden and the kids don't need the parent so much. The inner soul cries out "What about me!!!" Life is passing me by too quick. Often this is triggered by that significant emotional event ... loss of loved one, job, or close friend. Something makes them face their postponed mortality and they fight with all they have.
This is often when the women use their new reading glasses to look in the mirror at those little wrinkles and new "laugh lines". Men see a larger belly and less hair. They all see other people being the center of attention and flirting. They feel horribly low self esteem. They want that attention from others to validate their life. Of course some just don't even know what all the internal turmoil is about and only know they need to go hide in a small room to think, for a long time ... till the storm passes.
They reflect all their turmoil on you, blame you because you are the closest person to the center of the storm, it must be your fault. Intentionally or not ... they destroy you and bring your esteem down to their level because you love them that much.
You must learn the importance of loving yourself more than to let this happen to you. The long road to recovery from that damage is more than any of us deserve. And here we are.
