Not so Shocked 4

[nickyf]

Hi everyone

I don't seem to be needing to post on the board as much lately, i think that there is a couple of reasons for this: firstly i feel like i have detached that little bit more from the situation with my husband, i still love him very much and would like nothing more that our marriage to be restored but seem to be coping with things so much better. Secondly: I just simply got tired of writing about how there was no changes in the situation and that my husband was/is still adamant to be with OW, i got so tired of analysing every little thing.

It looks like my husband will be sending the divorce papers back to the courts very soon, he tells me he has signed them but has not sent them yet. For those of you who are not familiar with my sitch, i am the one that filed in January due to finacial reasons and my husband has been putting off signing the papers for 10 months now, i truly thought that it was because he was confused on whether he wanted the marriage or not, i still do think that in some ways but my husband will not admit it. I think that my husband does not even realise that he is confused, he is definately fighting it all the way. He tells me that he is happy and that he is not confused, yet he still continues to flirt with me but again i think he has convinced himself that this has nothing to do with being unsure with things. I really don't know whether my husband will ever dig deep within himself to try and understand why is actions speak so much of confusion, verbally everything is black and white. This is truly sad because i still feel that my husband and i could have a wonderful life together bringing up our little girl and enjoying each other as man and wife but he just does not see it and i know i can't make him.

The only thing i can control now is how D3 and i live our life, i am strong enough now to see the failings that i caused in the marriage and have already apologised to my husband for these failings, i only wish he had come to me so we could have put it right together. I have grown so much these past 14 months and it is a real shame that it took my husband leaving to make me see what i needed to do. It is even a bigger shame though that my husband may not get to experience life with the new me, i have become a firm believer of "What god intends, will happen" and so i am just going to enjoy life with D3, looking forward to the future.

On a lighter note, i went to my brothers weekend before last and had a great time. D3 loved playing with the boys and because they are older, they gave her all the attention she wanted lol . Also, as of last Saturday i have a new neighbour and would you believe he is single, about my age and well very attrative , i'm sure god must be testing me lol .

Hope everyone is ok

Nicky