fearless, to answer your question about my h wanting me to file, is because it would help alleviate his guilt. he doesn't quite have the balls to do it. he does now, I'm sure, but he didn't.
no doubt he'll try to make my life miserable. but its my life, I'll find a way to make it a happy one.
f him
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
nope, I feel angry still. angry that I put up with the lies so long, and not only that, helped perpetuate them by making this all seem okay...he's with her, but sleeping with me from time to time. that is NOT okay. I'm not his wife anymore, just am legally. the woman he is living with deserves to know what she is getting. even if she is a skanky whore. I wish someone had told me a year ago. you know that hypothetical question that gets tossed around, would you want to know, well, I fall into the group that would have wanted to know.
I don't think this will cause problems with them, I don't, not even close. I think he'll send her a couple of dozen roses and it will all be better. he'll fight to get her back...he told me last spring that she broke up with him on a monthly basis, and he fought each time to get her back. and she always came back. she will again.
the only thing I think I will regret is that not going to mediation will shoot me in the foot.
but damn, it felt good to call a spade a spade. don't know if it will in the morning, but wow, it felt good now.
pure adreneline though...still coursing thru my veins. have to take D3 to dance in a few minutes and it will be hard having an hour of civilized conversation with other moms. or maybe it will be what i need to calm down finally.
I have never, ever been so angry in my life. ever.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I'm glad you still feel good. I always used to feel bad immediately after contact with OW. Somehow she always made me feel bad even tho she was a skanky ho.
I also fall into the school of wanting to know - even though now sometimes I wish I hadn't known at all about H's A - when I was the last to know out of the two couples I felt so stupid.
Hang in there girl. It will do you good to get out the house and think about something else for a while.
You take care
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I don't necessarily think mediation will be out of the question once everyone calms down...
Focus on protecting you and the kids. And, honestly, I think your H deserves what you have said and I think you are handling it like a champ. (I am NOT the poster child for DB, as you know--but I sure like what you did.)
Once you calm down, go back to focusing on the 3 crucial conversations questions. Make sure that you don't cut off your nose to spite your face. And who knows- if your H thought you were "poor Morgan", this might have just really rattled his cage enough to make him think twice.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
hey, quick update. got out of d3's dance class to a vm from ow, telling me she is choosing to believe h, and a whole lot of other crap. I got home and called her and told her (via vm, she doesn't pick up) that she missed the point...I don't care what she does with the info, I just would have appreciated it a year ago myself. I gave it to her (it was a week ago when we last had sex) and said what she does with it is her business. her choice.
I just got off the phone with H (was raging at him because she had my cell number) and it wasn't pretty...it was awful. I can't seem to come down at all. I am just so freaking mad. I am angry that he had to end our marriage in such a sh!tty way. I deserve more.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I am fried. adreneline is still surging a bit, but is quieting some. the aftermath is coming.
in some ways it was really good to release the anger. I had never done that...I had released the hurt, the shock, all that, pre-db, but have been holding the anger at bay. so there is still a part of me that feels good in a small way. I'm tired of the lies. I'm tired of the unspoken crap. I'm tired of all of it.
my marriage is over anyway, why do I care?
guessing in the light of day, I'll either regret it and see things his way, or he will go ahead and file, even though he doesn't want the lawyer fees. or we'll stay married until I am ready to file. maybe that will be it in the end.
just so freaking sad and mad and hurt.
deleted the whore's vm at least, I never have to hear that again. patronizing bitch. "I would never want to be in your shoes, I know how painful it must be for you, and saying these things are simply your way of dealing with that pain." f her.
no idea what I'm going to do tonight. kids are sleeping now.
I want to throw up.
I went off pretty blindly raging at h, really battered him. asked him how he liked being a stepfather. he said he isn't one, I said well, he lives with ow 5 days a week, he said he doesn't have any interaction with her son, doesn't even toss a ball around with him. I asked what kind of an ass of a stepfather is he that he can't even toss a ball with a 6 year old. seriously. went low and asked if he liked ow's son better than his own, since he's so athletically talented (I used to hear pre-affair all about what ow's son could do that ours couldn't...gee, did hers teach himself to read at 3? celebrate your own son's strengths, ass). he started crying, I really hurt him with all of that (bad stepfather issues growing up). I finally told him I couldn't talk to him any more tonight, that I was not in a place that I could talk anymore. its all just anger and blind rage and nothing that really matters in the long run.
I hung up and ignored him when he tried to call back over and over.
I don't know if there is any advice anyone can give me. I don't think there is anything that can be done at this point.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
