Eh, I know, weird. But ya know, this wasn't a "fix our marriage" style trip. It's fantasy fest in key west, think mardi gra but with more nudity. It's pretty much a get a little crazy drink too much atmosphere. I don't know what exactly she means about me keeping her at arms length, but I'm positive it's not about the things you mention. We've talked about this before and neither of us have a problem with us talking to other people or random kissing, it's meaningless and doesn't change anything about our M. I know others wouldn't agree with that, but to each their own
Anyway, the arms length thing, I dunno. All I can figure is she's referring to the fact that I'm trying to give her space or not really being open and talking about my life with her. I guess I need to work on that. Like I said I feel like this is a big test. It's incredibly hard to be open and loving and engaged with someone when you are almost constantly rejected by them however. I guess it's a sign I need to detach some more, yet also in a more loving manner. If I can master that, show my interest and love for her without being needy and without getting hurt when she doesn't seem open to it, I think I'll have a good shot at getting her back. It's hard though because I have to deal with the frequent snips, the fact that she focuses on all of my failures and not my successes and the fact that she chooses to spend more time on her friendships than our M. Not to mention all the conflicting signs I get.
Gotta be a rock. Let her emotional states wander and stay solid in my position. I do think perseverance will pay off if I can muster the courage and not succumb to the rejection and hurt. I also need to make sure to let her make the first moves when it comes to affection and physical contact and stop asking for more or trying to initiate hand holding, etc. I think maybe that comes off as needy. My pursuit strategy has to be an emotional/intellectual pursuit and not a physical one. I need to throw my heart out there again and again and again and keep doing it no matter how many times she smashes it, and each time gently pick it up and continue to love her.
Sounds great! Now I just have to figure out how to do it without feeling hurt and dejected every time she seems to want nothing to do with me...
