Sex and the WAS/MLCer

[Cinderellaman]

well I do too, that's why I haven't....God knows who ow has been with, after all she's 25 and looking anorexic .....

[imLIN]

Interesting how the ED comes into play for many of these MLC men...I know my H complained often about not having "it"...I really didn't know what he was talking about because things seemed to work just fine from my point of view....

So I wonder...is it an emotional thing that gets them going...do they start viewing their sexual abilities in the same light they view their spouse???...rewriting their sexual history???

Now I do feel my H had ED issues when he did see OW only because he told me that when he would visit he was good "for one time" even though she wanted more...with me...well lets just say it doesn't take him 4 days to recover if I want it sooner!...So maybe she didn't have the "touch" that I did for him...I would like to think so anyway...

And when my H says "it" isn't gonna happen not even the little blue pill works...so makes me wonder if it is physical or emotional....

[saffie]

I think for some men it is definitely an emotionl issue.

Saffie

[butterflymom]

My H has never had an ED problem. At least not that I'm aware of.

The only indication I ever got was when he was on Lexapro.

He told me he was having side effects (couldn't finish) - but even then he never had that problem with me.

Not even once.

Interesting.

BFM

[a new 2moro]

i have no idea why H doesnt want to be intimate with me......he says hes scared....ok uhmmm....of me....of no one can match up to OW? ...uhm guilt?...shame.....still has feelings for OW?.....

[angelica]

Guilt is my guess. and Shame.

[Lissie]

. My husband was over oneday long ago...we were having a rather good conversation. Just so happens that Lissett called or I called her or she was on the phone heck...I don't remember that part, the part I DO REMEMBER is handing him the phone and letting him speak to Lissett.

I heard him telling her of HIS SEXUAL problems...or rather he said they were mine. Something about I watched the clock to see how long it would take him to achieve an orgasm. So he felt he was under scrutiny to perform. Now most women would want it to take awhile.....so I am only going to assume it was something he was dealing with emotionally. I mean...he actually told a stranger on the phone this.
_________________________

(sigh)

it scared the bejabbers out of me is fo sho.

I was like WHA?

what do I say now?

I have to say, he was very ready to just talk, talk talk.

I felt bad for him, and Jeanette took a pic of him that day, (I think) and he looked hunched over and so sad.

I just validated and listened (sigh)

we have to DB each other spouses too

[MissH]

Ok, I am just getting caught up, but I just wanted to highlight something Snodderly wrote:

How do the WAS feel when they wake up? Exactly the way we are feeling when this whole thing goes down. You see, we are educating ourselves right now, finding ways to cope and heal as much as possible. The WAS isn't doing any of that for a long time. They are too busy being angry and playing w/self-medication. Eventually the tides will turn and they will feel exactly how we do today. I've seen this in several cases and believe me, it's much harder on them when reality comes knocking on the door at wake up time. By that time, we are settled, some what healed and are starting to enjoy life once again.

Our MC/my T told me basically the same exact thing. She said "I promise you, he will feel the pain one day, and by that time you will probably be well past it".

I just want to know when?

[Cinderellaman]

I just want to know when?

me too babe me too !!!!!!!!!!

[angelica]

MrsH - I think this is true. Snodderly has posted some great things on this thread, and continues to give so much of herself.

I just hope that I can become more like her as the years roll by.

A