Hey Nomo - Stopping by to say hi. You were kind enough to help welcome me in July when I was a newcomer.
I'm also in a two-professional marriage so I can relate to the pressures. Add kids to that and it's a wonder anyone can stay together.
I think your letting go is definitely the right thing. I'm reminded of the "see-saw effect" in DR. When your W sees that you're no longer working on the M, the void may make her think. R's, like nature, abhors a vacuum. If she doesn't respond, at least you can concentrate on yourself more.
Regards, LL
M 63 W 40 M 4/91 S14/D9 bomb 7/6/07 D filed 8/3/07 final 2/4/08 thread
Hi All! Just wanted to post quickly to say that I am doing well, but I am extremely busy at work right now so can't post much. Will be back later.
Brief brief update - weekend was perfectly fine and pleasant. Very little stress. Think I handled it all well, and had fun with all my family. W was pleasant, but I saw absolutely zero indication or positive movement that she is coming around or otherwise moving at all towards a reconciliation (or even has any doubt). So, I continue on my path of focusing on me and my kids, trying to be as friendly with her as I can in my limited opportunities.
I hope everyone is well out there.
Later, Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Hi all! Work crazy crazy crazy, so limited time, but wanted to post a quick journal entry about Halloween. Had a lot of fun. Darth Vader costume was a BIG hit in the hood. Stopped about 10 times by random folks to take pictures.
I took the kids around the block to trick or treat. W and MIL passed out candy from our house. When I got back, I took care of a few things, packed up some stuff, and said I was leaving. W said "You are?" sounding a little surprised and maybe (stressing maybe) a little disappointed. I just said yes, and then I went around to say goodbye to the kids who were outside drumming up more visitors to our candy bowl. I was ready to go because it was about 9:15 pm, we were done going around the block, and I had an adult costume party to go to. So in my view my role was complete, even though there were still trick or treaters coming and candy was still being passed out. W and MIL and D4 had the front doorstep locked up, so there was no room for me to really pull up a chair and join them anyway.
As far as W sounding surprised and maybe disappointed, it could have been because she wanted my help getting the kids to bed or because she was worried the kids would be upset I was leaving while some Halloween stuff (handing out candy) was still going on.
When S7 asked me where I was going I said home (meaning my parents), but to a costume party first, which might have gotten back to W because S7 asked about it twice.
A few minutes later, after goodbyes and as I was pulling out of the driveway (which took a while because my dad parked my car in a tight spot that required me to drive on our landscaping to get out (long story, but he drove on our landscaping to get in the spot)), W came out of the house to the car while still backing out of the driveway to tell me the story about my dad parking the car, and how he had driven on our plants. She was laughing and obviously trying to share a light/funny moment and she reached in through the car window to touch my arm. Definitely what I would have taken as a positive sign under my DB plan, but now I am always quick to dismiss these things because I hate to fool myself.
Finally, about 30 minutes later shortly after I had arrived at the party, she called twice to ask about school/kid or house things. They were quick calls. W could probably hear music in the background.
This morning I was thinking that even if W were having doubts and/or starting to miss me, she is too passive and too proud to come right out and say something. She might just open up in her head and look for signs of where we were and what the possibilities were, and if it isn't there, she will probably just retreat to her little hole in the world.
Hope everyone is well.
Nomo
PS - sorry I am behind on so many of your threads.
Last edited by Nomopo; 11/01/0703:08 PM.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I see lots of positives there, Nomo, even if you're looking at it conservatively. You're better off not predicting what w would do in certain situations.
And better off not reading too much into the touching of your arm...
You're in a good spot Nomo. Protect that good spot and strike whatever balance you want with being 'open', but don't allow yourself to read too much into anything.
I agree n_a (how YOU doing, by the way!) and Steve. Much better off not predicting W's moves (wait and see, react), or reading too much into any possible baby step, arm touching or otherwise (not much danger there, as my realistic (pessimistic?) view of things remains intact. And I just loved this summary of my current reality:
Originally Posted By: SteveInTN
You're in a good spot Nomo. Protect that good spot and strike whatever balance you want with being 'open', but don't allow yourself to read too much into anything.
Sums it up beautifully!
Thanks all, Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
