Ok, I tried but it said something about the private topic limit. Wouldn't let me send it. I don't know why you are not getting my email. It doesn't show that it's not going through...on mine, and I checked to make sure I had the right address. I had rather not give out my email address on here b/c it has my last name and I'd rather not do that, otherwise I would list it. I'll keep trying.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
We just can't seem to get connected. I am not sure how to do this since I tried a PM to you and was given the same result and I have received no email. Hope we can somehow get in touch.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
the private mail thing doesn't work. If you do type your emails into a post don't type it exactly as it is - type at instead of @ or something otherwise one can be googled to this site.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I want to be clear that my anger and frustration are vented on this board and I keep my composure in front of my W. SHE is the one that relentlessly bring up the mediator and how fast we can get this done. This is all about her OM!!! She humiliated me by talking about our personal life and R/M to a total stranger while were together and our children here as well!!! Using the same B.S. lines that "he is just friend that is being supportive" "we are just talking" "I did nothing wrong"
She went outside our M and has ZERO accountability since I am not to mention OM while she gets to have me as an ATM and he gets her attention!!!! She uses me as the scapegoat and has her new man to give her all the "attention" she needs while he is a pathetic piece of garbage that willingly got involved with another man's wife!!!!
I am sick and tired of having to take her c**p with this constant mediator, mediator, mediator nonsense. She made NOOOOO effort to talk with me about our M because she "doesn't like conflict". Now I am to stand there and get handed the "weekend pass" to see my kids while she just gets to have my kids, get money every week and take our marriage promise and step all over it!!!
I can assure you all that I do not dare show my anger in front of her. Why??? because I love her unconditionally and she DOESN'T give a damn if I am dead or alive as long as her new man MEETS HER EMOTIONAL NEEDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
Mark, maybe I missed it somewhere in your post, but why are you supporting her? Does she have a job? If so, cut out the fianacial support. Don't make this easier for her! If I had had somebody to pay my way, I would have walked out the door too, but that was one of the main reasons I had to stay....but of course, we worked things out by me staying here...but the finacial strap was the biggest issue for me then.
As far as the kids, do you want to fight for full custody? Or, do you think they should stay with their mom? You have a right to be good and mad and you need to keep coming here to vent. I just wish I knew what to say to help your feeling or to tell you some magic spell to cast that would work for you. From your angle, everything seems to be going her way and it's all cr*p for you.....but she is living in a fantasy world. Trust me, it will come crashing down around her and it won't be pretty when it does. You must decide if you want to be there to pick up the pieces when that happens or if you think she is worth having back after the OM gets through with her. Have you thought that far ahead? When the newness of this fantasy wears off and the daily grind sets in with their R.....if they even carry it that far.....it will not be near so romantic and exciting for them. He may dump her and if he should.....she may go running back to you as quickly as her little feet will run. Are you prepared for that? All of this needs to be considered.
The thing is that H's so often don't listen to the W try to tell him how unhappy she is and then she blocks herself off emotionally from him until she is ready to leave. Then, she drops the bomb and the H reacts in all the ways you are doing now. Then if she decides she wants to go back home to the H.....so often times he doesn't want her back b/c of the hurt she put him through. It's all so sad what we do to each other in the name of love.
She sounds immature to me, but there will be a payday someday and she will have to pay up then......and pay dearly. It may appear that she is not accountable and is getting everything her way, but it doesn't last forever. You are going through hell on earth now, but her time will come. Do you want her to go through what you are sufferning now, b/c that is probably what is going to happen. She will either be hurt by the OM or she will want you back and risk being rejected by you. Something to think about. You are in so much pain right now that you may even would like to see her suffer some as payback, but at the end of your post you said that you still loved her and said some nice things about her. So, in the bottom of your heart.....I don't think you really want her to suffer. Wow, love is amazing!
I wish you could just wake up and discover that this was all a nightmare, but unfortunately it won't happen that way. I wish she would consent to go to C but she probably is afraid to. One, she doesn't want to risk listening to anyone try to talk her out of her plans and two, she may not want to talk about certain issues in her life. That is the thing with WAW's, they have pretty much made up their minds at the point of leaving and that is why everything the H tries to do is "too little too late". So not many are willing to go to family counseling.
Well, I'm not saying much that is of any help today, but just wanted you to know that I'm still here for you to talk to. Hope you can get some rest and find some sort of peace.....for a little while any way.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I hear what you are saying but it is I that must change and SHE doesn't. Meanwhile, she goes about her merry life with no regard for our 15 year R and 2 young children. SHE can be selfish and come out smelling like a rose. Why??? because throwing away a M and breaking apart a family is fine to her!! She has OM who is the answer to her dreams and I am sure she has considered what being married to him would be like. It wouldn't surprise me that she is thinking how her life with OM would be by combining his family with hers.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
Is there anyone out there that can explain how a WAW can change how she feels when she was willing to leave in the first place? It doesn't seem possible that someone can see things differently and again have loving feelings for their LBS.
I just don't see when there has been so much hurt that the WAW can find it in themselves to try again. My W is adamant that our M is over and she has shown that she doesn't care about me as a partner. It is so easy WHEN THEY HAVE SOMEONE ELSE to fall back on and then the LBS becomes the "evil one" and is blamed for the WAS's life not turning out the way they pictured it.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
Is there anyone out there that can explain how a WAW can change how she feels when she was willing to leave in the first place? It doesn't seem possible that someone can see things differently and again have loving feelings for their LBS.
I can't explain anything, but I have seen instances when my W has expressed remorse and wanted our relationship to be different (she goes between never wanting to see me again and wanting to 'take it slow'). You have to remember that a WAW is someone who is essentially wanting to live a fantasy. At some point they will crash, and have to reenter the real world. Once they lose OM, or things start to fall apart because they're not realistic, that's when they really start to think about us again.
You just have to be patient. You can change what she's doing, or how she feels. There might be one day when whoever else she's using for support isn't there for her anymore, or doesn't actually follow through on being there for her, and she knows that you are there.
I'm sure none of us want to be with our WAW because OM discards them - We'd all want our W's to run back to us with open arms, but that's just not going to happen.
