Butterflymom, Looking back, I have to say that I gave my H the benefit of the doubt by looking at his invlvement with both ow and myself as an addiction. In actuality, there was also the cake-eating element; like a manipulative child, if he could have it all and get away with it all, he would have. It is part of the confusion and failure to mature and be responsible.
I don't feel there is one way do handle the sex dilemma. I do know that engaging in a sexual triangle can wreck havoc on self esteem.
I tried to have faith that the best part of him would win out. Addiction and/or cake-eating is no way to go through life.
As I have said before, the MLCer needs to have hope that there can be a sexual relationship. The maturity comes when they realize it's more about intimacy than sex, and that problems can be handled together rather than running away.
RJ, I think there is probably a cake eating element there too, but in the same breath our sex is VERY intimate, not just crazy monkey sex. We are starting to talk a LOT now. Whereas just a month ago we barely spoke other than to make arrangements for the kids or finances.
He called me Friday and talked for well over a half an hour about his confusion and state of mind and sorting things out.
He then called me back and thanked me for talking to him. That he appreciated that I was there to listen. I told him I was glad that he felt he could come to me and talk and that I was there anytime he needed someone.
Things between us are becoming more and more intimate as time goes on.
Self esteem - it's tricky. Very tricky. I agree, but what part of this isn't hard on the self esteem?? I think it would be much harder on me if H was the type that acted repulsed by me and wanted to have nothing to do with me. I think that would destroy my self esteem much quicker than looking in his eyes and hearing him tell me he loves me and he misses me, but that he's made such a mess of things in his life that he doesn't know how to straighten things out or even if they can be straightened out.
JMO.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
