impossible situation #2

[saffie]

Dom,

Your W sounds like me. Just because she piles it on and causes the stress herself doesn't mean there isn't an underlying problem.

I did just what your W is doing. Was a school govenor, wrapped up in fund raising, did quite a bit of charity work, was an ante natal teacher, have four kids, run my own part time tax consultancy business etc. I burned my candle at both ends and just kept running away from myself. I just didn't want to stop and think or look at myself or my M. I didn't like myself, (still don't much) and had / have self esteem issues. However, now that I am having help, (for me cognitive behavioural therapy seems to be working), things are much much better. My R with my H is relaxed and happy, (still have everyday ups and downs but the M is GOOD), I can prioritise much better, don't overstretch things and most importantly I am learning to identify stress factors and deal with them.

It was my H that had the A, and I had started working on these things before he told me about his A, but it was the fact that I made these changes that has gone most of the way to rebuilding our R and M. It was early on in the process of getting the therapy that I wrote to my H opening up to him about how I felt. It was that letter that prompted him to tell me about his A, (which at that point was ongoing).

One does have to recognise these factors for ones self though. It took me three attempts at getting help before I was ready to open up and be honest that I needed it. I was used to being a coper and did not want to let my vulnerability show. I now realise that it takes a strong person to show their true emotions; I used to believe weak people were the ones that did that.

saffie