Snodderly - I have noticed that I am both more vulnerable, and more robust than I was a couple of years or so back. More robust in that I now enjoy many activities again, and laugh and have fun. I have started singing as I do things, and laugh out loud quite often
More vulnerable in that I am more moved to pity, more aware of the suffering in lives than ever I was. I have used my grieving time to grieve other losss in my life - the loss of my parents, and my sister, the awareness of geting older . .I am aware of the desperate nature of so many lives . . . I feel much more 'grown up'. Truly it has been a rite of passage for me too
I was actually thinking of some well publicised scandals in teh UK, like Sir Charles Dilke, who would have become Prime Minister except for an infatuation with another woman; Charles Parnell was another . . . Now it looks so much like MLC - they literally did not seem to care they were wreckingcareers in Public Life that had taken years to build up.
Oh gosh. I have so much I could offer up about this topic. Snodderly, I am glad you shared what you did because it is shedding a big, strong light on what was going on with my H.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
So are you saying that you did have sex with your H during S? Even though there was an OW?
Had I known OW was still in the picture, I would not have had sex with him. Emotionally, it's beyond my limit to handle something like this. My H was testing the waters, keeping a foot ( okay, more than a foot) in both doors. He was trying to come back but was still addicted to the chemical rush of being with OW, and he was so nuts then, he was trying to find a way to " have it all."
Sorry I missed this conversation!! This just puts another piece of the puzzle together for me.
H diagnose with diabetes pre-bomb. H also speaks to Dr about his testosterone leve (it goes down when your diabetic) Dr prescirbes Testosterone cream which he never used.
Bomb Oct 05 h leaves. We had a pre-planned paid for trip to Vegas for our birthday in Nov. H backs n forths about going, finally decides to go. Now here is the KICKER!! H starts USING THE TESTOSTERONE CREAM prior to going this gets his Libido in HIGH gear while on vacation for a week!!! It was like the honeymoon but BETTER! Once home he goes back to the batcave discontinues the testosterone cream.......I asked him why? He says because he doesn't want to have "sexual thoughts" interfering with his decisions of whether he wants to work on the marriage. Explain that one!
Oh boy....
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I have heard a lot of cases where oral sex starts to be the most important form of sex . . ..
Yes I wonder about this too. As I never would do this before, Now H has asked me to and I have many times. I agree, no intimacy.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
I know that right after the bomb....H didn't want to have sex either...that too was too intimate, it only happened a few times in the months that followed....but he made not objections to oral sex...he even seemed to enjoy it more and enjoy the 'power' it gave him....weird. Like I said before, he was experiencing some issues of impotence...even though he's only 36. One day he came home (a while before bomb) with some pills he had ordered on the internet, to prolong his erection (viagra like). I thought this SO WEIRD at the time, because he NEVER suffered in that department and I saw no need for him to NEED that !
Oh well....at times, it just feels like pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place.
What I do wonder however is if the same issues go on to the R with ow, or is he potent and without any erection problems there !?!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Like I said before, he was experiencing some issues of impotence...
Oh well....at times, it just feels like pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place.
What I do wonder however is if the same issues go on to the R with ow, or is he potent and without any erection problems there !?!
Cinders!! Exactly the same thing here!!! This obviously played a huge roll in their "Escape from reality". I too wonder if he is experiencing the same problems....
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Isn't it weird - somehow it clarifies to me that this is THEIR CRISIS, not OURS .....there is something WITHIN them that is not quite right...therefore they seek it elswhere and maybe it all works fine there for a while because of the added excitement, but won't GUILT make things difficult again at one point ?! I wonder .....
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
ditto....my guess would be...purely speculation...but those endomorphisms in the euphoric stage......that feel good rush probably makes it good. when that wears off.....i would think same old probs occur...
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Once home he goes back to the batcave discontinues the testosterone cream.......I asked him why? He says because he doesn't want to have "sexual thoughts" interfering with his decisions of whether he wants to work on the marriage. Explain that one!