Oh and it might be good if he threats taking stuff from the house. You can say "good idea, if you're going to do that you can take everything of yours, I think it's healthy for us both to be able to move forwards if we sort out all our stuff". this will be a hard and painful process but I'm sure it will be cathartic too. i recommend trying to get d to go to a friends house for that though. might be some arguments splitting up the stuff.
i'd even be tempted to make him realise that if he leaves anything behind, it's obviously not that important to him and it will get thrown out.
that way you can do a big spring clean and make yourself feel really good with a fresh new place.
