I guess the "problem" I am having is I can't seem to be both detached and spend any quality time with H. I'm great at it when I have nothing to do w/him... .
It just keeps hitting me that when I'm away from H I'm happy and feel strong, when I'm around him it slowly (or somewhat slowly) erodes into me feeling weak and second rate. You've noticed it here, and my parents both noticed it as well. Now... is that my fault for allowing H to effect me, or does it mean I need to be away from him? I dunno.
Hi Nikki, not sure if I've posted to you before but I have been reading your sitch on and off. This quote of yours got me. I know EXACTLY what you mean about this. I have been living for my h and not for me and I feel guilty and anxious if I have a thought of my own for me. However, I am so much more 'with it' when I am not around him or if I know I am not going to see him for however-long-it-is. I feel weak around him becuase I want to avoid making him angry/sad/hurt which means I end up putting my own needs (and also my daughters) on the back burner and that isn't right - particularly where my d is concerned.
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