I just found out last night, that there was no legal way in h@ll I could have been held in contempt last Spring, because neither parties had received the court order papers prior to the Spring Break visitation....... But I was. The Judge should have been aware of this, and cancelled this hearing immedately, but he didn't.
I haven't been told this by ANY of the attorneys attached to my case, however, when speaking to a cousin's husband, who happens to be an attorney, I find this out.
Granted, it is yesterday's news, but, what you say about moving to a more Mom friendly state makes a lot of sense.
With all that we have lost, D is holding firmly to her friends and this school for survival. In order to get justice, I will destroy D's security and strength.... I just don't know what to do right now, and am praying for answers.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
If you can manage to stay there, it would be best for D not to be separated from her friends and school. She's already lost a brother and is probably worried about losing anything else.
I understand that this might be beyond your control, now that the child support has been cut, but if there is any way you can just keep things stable for now, it would probably be best for her.
Yes, if you moved to CA, you would probably get a different deal on child support - assuming that CA courts will revisit a Kansas child support order. I don't know how that works. BUT - California is expensive to live in, and friends and family are important. You only have - what - 3 more years, four? - to get through until he can't use the kids to get at you anymore.
Forget justice. Focus on you and your D. Enjoy every day. Get creative about living your life. Set a good example for your D.
Your thread with reports of what your H got up to sent chills down my spine way, way back, if you remember. I am sure my posts in the past seemed overly pessimistic to you. I would advise you to be prepared for the long haul, regarding your son seeing the light, though you have my best wishes for him seeing it very soon.
Hugs,
Livnlearn
PS I read this a long time ago and it was like a glimpse into the future in some way. I can't seem to locate the earlier pages that give info about the run up to the custody battle.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Geez, LNL - I read that link. Much as I totally get it that your H and Laughing's H are narcissistic manipulators - I thought the woman in that link was inappropriate. Wailing all night in front of your 9 year old? Telling her "if Daddy is a good boy he'll do X and if he's a bad boy he'll do Y?" She sounds self-absorbed - or at least terribly depressed - but definitely not putting her child's interests first.
You and Laughing have provided fine examples of how NOT to do that, of how to keep to the high road and keep focused on your children's welfare. Sadly, I do see how the depression and anxiety that the narcissist creates then backfires on the LBS.
Laughing, I hope you don't feel your thread is being hijacked. It did cross my mind that posting what I did yesterday was a bit "strong". I think what allowed me to move forward though, in my case, was to drop every vestige of wishful thinking that I was dealing with a "normal" person in any shape or form, and to have utter clarity about what I was dealing with in my H. It takes a lot of research, reading, sharing on forums etc and soul searching. I remember you saying a couple of years ago, that at base your H was not a bad person. I realised then that you didn't yet have the full measure of him.
Ellie, that link is strange, when I first came across it about three years ago, I was able to access many of the earlier chapters. The part where she is keening is really the culmination of months/years (I forget the exact time line) of her husband's utterly evil machinations to steal her (their) daughter away from her. If you think betrayal, deception and divorce are bad enough, you ain't seen the half of it until you realise your ex other-half will stop at nothing short of poisoning the bond betweeen you and your own children and taking them away from you, both physically and in every other way. There can be nothing more heart breaking than finding your dearly beloved children shunning you, spewing hate at you, behaving as if you are the evil one, or shutting you out of their lives altogether. There really are some people out there who want to DESTROY others, maybe not through physical murder, but in every other way. And having been your intimate, they know just where your underbelly is. If you have been a devoted mother all your children's lives, then naturally, that's where they will strike. On top of that, they will continue to somehow appear to be normal, right, and even the poor victim in all of this. Your "going crazy" will be the icing on the cake, they can then point to you and say "See what I had to deal with?" and all the bystanders will nod sympathetically.
Sometimes I think my own NH is too lazy and stupid to be a real danger to me, but I will never let my guard down. We are dealing with people WITHOUT conscience, and that is very dangerous.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Naw, I wasn't even thinking hijack, not at all, but I do appreciate the discussion. Any time any one can learn, grow, and share their life, the time spent is well invested.
I still believe that Dick's base is still good, as I believe that we all have that same goodness within us all. How you ask? Well, it is simple, and I will admit, probably too simple, but it is how I view people in general.
We are all born perfect, with a greater understanding and acceptance of love. It's my belief, God is love. When we are born, we have little to no life experiences, very few fears, I have read that we really have only two natural fears at birth, as I am still working on this theory, and am not totally sold on this idea. However, with this said, the love we have at the time of birth is nearly whole, and probably the most perfect we will ever know for the rest of our lives. This is where I believe we all start with a good base, we all have a good within us all, deep within our inner child.
As the hours turn into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, years into decades, we have our life experiences, which can sometime lead to defense mechanisms, or survival tactics, which are developed to help us protect ourselves from what we experience as pain, often trauma, abuse, neglect. These defense mechanisms often lead to depression, emotional problems, personality disorders.
Unfortunately, it seems only the strong of heart, strong of faith, those of us with a strong desire to achieve what we had in the beginning, the ability to love and to be loved unconditionally, make a choice to dis-arm the armor we so carefully constructed during our early lives to find what we had been given and knew at birth.
Like I said, it's a rather simple concept, and quite possibly too simple for reality..... but it is the way I hope to find God's plan for us all. This concept has allowed me to separate the disease from the person, and continue to love the people in my life, especially those who I once felt caused me emotional pain, but now understand it wasn't the person as much as it was their own emotional pain that I once saw, which may have hurt me.
It's allowed me to find forgiveness, which allows me to move on from the past, in order to move forward and hope for the joy and happiness I seek.
I know it is out there, it's just a matter of time and patience. Even Dick and his antics won't stop me from finding what I look for.... it's only a matter of time before he is caught in his own deception, which will set me free from his court manipulations.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
At this time I don't follow one particular "structured" (lack of better term at the moment) religion, although I seem to have gathered thoughts, ideas and beliefs from several different religions which seem to suit me and allow me to feel comfortable. I was raised Catholic, yet today my D happens to like the Baptist church here in town, and we do go to church together... although, I am good friends with the Christian minister here in town too, as we like to challenge each other with spiritual thoughts, concepts and ideas, and the Methodist church has many fuctions that we go to a couple times a month too.
Life in a small town, even the youth group is a mix from all three churches and participates in functions together as a group. Personally, I really don't think it matters which religion it is, as long the person feels accepted, loved and safe in their beliefs.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Just chillin. I'm trying to step back as far as I can so I can get the best view of what is going on.
Although it seems quiet, there is movement, but nothing for me to respond to yet. Information is unfolding, albeit, very slowly. At this time, a special friend and I believe it's just best for me to sit quietly and listen... which I think is great advice.
So, what is new and exciting in your life?
Take care,
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
