LOL !!! How I wish you could TOO !!!!!!!!!!!!! It sounds MARVELOUS !!!!
Yes, it will and has to happen on it's own...I have patience....one day.....
I used to be extremely impatient, but I am learning how to 'wait' for things and like I told MMF, often it is all about the PATH that we take to our destiny....and all that that entails !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
For my H, it was really important for him to see if he could have a sex life with me...if he could still get aroused.
So are you saying that you did have sex with your H during S? Even though there was an OW?
I agree with this statement. I just wonder about them losing respect for us the LBS if there is an OW. And I wonder if it makes things too confusing for them.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
I know that when H was still in EA with ow and the bomb had burst....I initiated all the sex...he refused to kiss me 'french kiss' because it was too intimate for him...and he often said after the sex that he felt he was using me....I think it left a bitter after taste for him ....guilt. I always told him that I had a great time and LOVED doing it ! He didn't seem to believe me...my Psych told me that I was 'prostituting myself'. But I really WANTED H to see the changes in me and my WILL to work at our R ! THis was all before I found out about MLC or DB !
Once his EA turned PA, it stopped, I stopped initiating, I don't think it would be appropriate, although I would LOVE to..... One thing that does keep me from trying is the chance of him rejecting me !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I think that MLC for many is actually a flight from real intimacy. The sexual rush they get from the OP is about sex, rather than intimacy. I have heard a lot of cases where oral sex starts to be the most important form of sex . . ..
They do have to 'wake up' . . .and this seems to take forever.
Angelica, I'll toss something else out there for thought. Between leaving the 1st and 2nd time, we had a sexathon for about 6-8 weeks. It was all he thought about morning, noon and night. I mentioned this years ago here and others noticed that they had had the same thing occur.
Now, about the sex deal, here's what my xh put out in cyberspace as his hobbies in yahoo: Hobbies: SEX, baseball, football and nice people. Notice what was capitalized? It's crazy, but the hormones get sapped just as if he had gone back in time. Sex becomes a huge thing with these people in crisis.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly - When he had a brief moment of rationality just over a year ago, I tried to point out that there was more to any relationship than sex, particularly in a long relationship.
I wasn't denying the importance of sex, but he seemed to have the feeling that it was the be all and end all of life. Just pre-bomb he became very rough and impatient in lovemaking - not at all like him. . . He also wanted me to hurt him during lovemaking, which I felt very uncomfortable about. I gather from things that he has hinted that the OW is prepard to do this. There is definitely a 'kinky' element in their relationship.
It has been said that the sexual rush acts as an anti-depressant . . .
Angelica, Yes, it does act like an antidepressant. Believe me, I could tell you a lot of what went through my xh's head during those early months, but it would curl your hair in the process!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I used to think that it was strange prior to MLC what men [and to some extent women] would give up for an affair. I wonder if many of these scandals of the 19th and 20th century, with a stricter public morals code, were people having MLC?
They simply didn't care any more what they gave up?
I certainly feel that it exacts its toll on us. My family still feels as if it has had its heart ripped out. We are geting to OK, but if we feel like this, with each other for support and love, I just wonder how the WAS feels if and when they wake up?
Angelica, Years ago, people didn't live quite as long as we do today and that's why you didn't hear more about mlc. If it happened, it was kept very hush, hush and/or swept under the carpet. People didn't talk about it the way they do now.
BTW, I'm sure that there were many in those centuries that were having some issues too.
How do the WAS feel when they wake up? Exactly the way we are feeling when this whole thing goes down. You see, we are educating ourselves right now, finding ways to cope and heal as much as possible. The WAS isn't doing any of that for a long time. They are too busy being angry and playing w/self-medication. Eventually the tides will turn and they will feel exactly how we do today. I've seen this in several cases and believe me, it's much harder on them when reality comes knocking on the door at wake up time. By that time, we are settled, some what healed and are starting to enjoy life once again.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
