There are marriages in which sex was an issue pre-MLC and others [like mine] which were tender and passionate [or so I thought].
Even though your H had passion with your right up to the point of departure, it's not the same kind of sex as new, lustful, chemical rush sex ( or the thought of it) with another person. You're comparing apples to candy apples. In time, one is clearly the healthy choice, while the other will rot your teeth out.
Quote:
Does anyone here have any views/ideas on why some MLCers still want intimacy and why others are actually repelled by it?
Each MLCer has his/her own "guilt to sex drive ratio; which one wins out is an individual thing.
As far as continuing to have sex with an MLCer, if there is OP involved, it's going to be very difficult to engage sexually without further damaging your own self respect and esteem. Proceed cautiosuly..warning, Will Robinson...danger, danger! As the MLCer begins to clear from the confusion, the sex issue will need to be addressed, and I think each situation is different. The MLCer who wants to be home but is feeling the addictive pull of OW/OM is a different situation from the one who is cake eating, and often times it's too confusing to figure out what's going on.
For my H, it was really important for him to see if he could have a sex life with me...if he could still get aroused. It was not easy and my esteem took another hit. Remember, many of these MLCers are struggling with some form of depression ( and thus the needed extra zing from OP). If they come back, they need to feel hopeful for the future, and that hope needs to transcend the guilt and shame. Getting our sex life to work renewed hope for us. In time, they begin to realize what was lost, and come back with more realistic life expectations and an appreciation for what is. That is the growth process.
