My Wife wants out..still!!

[sandi2]

Mark, maybe I missed it somewhere in your post, but why are you supporting her? Does she have a job? If so, cut out the fianacial support. Don't make this easier for her! If I had had somebody to pay my way, I would have walked out the door too, but that was one of the main reasons I had to stay....but of course, we worked things out by me staying here...but the finacial strap was the biggest issue for me then.

As far as the kids, do you want to fight for full custody? Or, do you think they should stay with their mom? You have a right to be good and mad and you need to keep coming here to vent. I just wish I knew what to say to help your feeling or to tell you some magic spell to cast that would work for you. From your angle, everything seems to be going her way and it's all cr*p for you.....but she is living in a fantasy world. Trust me, it will come crashing down around her and it won't be pretty when it does. You must decide if you want to be there to pick up the pieces when that happens or if you think she is worth having back after the OM gets through with her. Have you thought that far ahead? When the newness of this fantasy wears off and the daily grind sets in with their R.....if they even carry it that far.....it will not be near so romantic and exciting for them. He may dump her and if he should.....she may go running back to you as quickly as her little feet will run. Are you prepared for that? All of this needs to be considered.

The thing is that H's so often don't listen to the W try to tell him how unhappy she is and then she blocks herself off emotionally from him until she is ready to leave. Then, she drops the bomb and the H reacts in all the ways you are doing now. Then if she decides she wants to go back home to the H.....so often times he doesn't want her back b/c of the hurt she put him through. It's all so sad what we do to each other in the name of love.

She sounds immature to me, but there will be a payday someday and she will have to pay up then......and pay dearly. It may appear that she is not accountable and is getting everything her way, but it doesn't last forever. You are going through hell on earth now, but her time will come. Do you want her to go through what you are sufferning now, b/c that is probably what is going to happen. She will either be hurt by the OM or she will want you back and risk being rejected by you. Something to think about. You are in so much pain right now that you may even would like to see her suffer some as payback, but at the end of your post you said that you still loved her and said some nice things about her. So, in the bottom of your heart.....I don't think you really want her to suffer. Wow, love is amazing!

I wish you could just wake up and discover that this was all a nightmare, but unfortunately it won't happen that way. I wish she would consent to go to C but she probably is afraid to. One, she doesn't want to risk listening to anyone try to talk her out of her plans and two, she may not want to talk about certain issues in her life. That is the thing with WAW's, they have pretty much made up their minds at the point of leaving and that is why everything the H tries to do is "too little too late". So not many are willing to go to family counseling.

Well, I'm not saying much that is of any help today, but just wanted you to know that I'm still here for you to talk to. Hope you can get some rest and find some sort of peace.....for a little while any way.

Sandi