Yeah, it prolly really helps with your H's confusion having pal's like that to offer what looks like conflicting advice.
I hadn't thought of that. The friend told me in confidence (and H told me later he told him the same thing, again in confidence ) that during his 20-year R, they've been separated twice, and have made it through. He's a sweet guy, but not the rock to lean on, that's for sure.
Originally Posted By: warm&sunny
Could also have to do with your dream-don't ya just love the ones where you're out of control & can't stop it?
Oh, it was all about the dream. I hope it's my subconscious working through the anger instead of it trying to tell me I need to deal with it while I'm awake. Wouldn't it be great to do all the working through stuff while you're asleep? Probably not very restful, though.
Originally Posted By: warm&sunny
Let us know how the kickball went.
Kickball has apparently morphed into barbeque and frisbee, not that I care. I'm really looking forward to it, I tell you.
H is irritated with me again. Apparently COW's psycho ex told H I'd said H hadn't passed along his apologies, and H swears up and down he did, at least twice. I said, "Wow, I have no memory of that. I'm sorry if that caused some awkwardness for you." He said, "It's not awkwardness, but it's a pet peeve of mine when the truth of my actions is questioned" or something equally stiff and awkward. Then he proceeded to ignore me.
This reminded me of an argument H and I had months ago. Whenever he'd be mad at me, I always assumed I had done something "wrong" and very much wanted to make it right. Back then my C said, "Can you tell yourself, 'Sometimes H is unfair'?" I thought, wow, is that possible? It's not all my fault? And I'm keeping that in mind now. I made a mistake, didn't remember something (apparently) the way it happened, and apologized.
I still feel a bit of that anxiety, though, wanting things to be right between us (about that misunderstanding) and I have to find a way to let it go. I'm in a place that's 100 times better than where I was a few months ago and slightly less good than, say, four days ago. It's the old up and down, I guess.
So I'm *really* looking forward to today. And if it turns out this will be a quick, couple-hour thing, I have a friend on call for this evening. This is all good stuff for me---reaching out and lining things up to avoid being at a loss about what to do.
And this week I'm going to a volunteer meeting with an organization I adore, which is full of wonderful, centered people (mostly women). I've been wanting to hook up with that crowd, so I'm excited about that and proud of myself for reaching out.
Good things are happening, and I'm determined to focus on those. Right now I think the only thing I'll feel when H is gone is relief. In the meantime, I just have to figure out how to keep his mood/feelings for me from affecting me. Since it seems to be proving difficult right now, I think I'll start by focusing on not appearing affected.
) that during his 20-year R, they've been separated twice, and have made it through. He's a sweet guy, but not the rock to lean on, that's for sure.