I don't know if I should continue to DB.

[missmyfriend]

Careful with the crush Breton. He may be fighting the temptation and you do not want the complication.

[forward]

MMF, I know this.

I have to admit that it is not easy when you're feeling lost w/M.

I try to avoid too much contact.

[Grace_O]

Like IMP I do the class thing when I can. Even just a one day seminar is good. I still dance some, that's really hard, but I go anyway. I have a few aquaintances and a couple of friends there. It makes it both easier and harder. I hope your Mom's group yields some new friends for you.

[forward]

Well, Grace, I may be hosting the next get-together of the moms group and I am thinking of having some work friends over.

Cleaned a lot today. I'm tired.

H told me he (well, probably they) took D2 to the park. I said that was great, but I wanted to say "Do you want your parenting gold star?" It's the first time he has done something like that with D2, ever. I can't imagine it could possibly be on his own iniative.

I caught a slightly affectionate look from him tonight and he stayed longer than he ever has, but I think R w/OW is still going strong. That said, he has not mentioned D again.

What I am discovering w/Crushee: He makes me feel less desperate for M. In a way, crush may help me detach completely.

[forward]

Waiting for D2 to wake up. We are going to the bookstore today, I think, to get some gifts for my nieces.

I've decided I am feeling prepared if H wants D.

[missmyfriend]

Breton, I am sorry. I wasn't saying it to you to be demeaning or condemning. I am saying it from experience and want to help anyone else avoid a potential trap. I came so close to a couple of situations because it helped ease my pain regarding my M. All it did was add complexity, hurting other people and myself.

Please accept my apologies.

[still hoping]

b:

I've been seeing your thread title and then I saw another one of your threads about seeing changes. Sounds to me like you are not fully ready to give up. I say this because I have been where you are many times, but there was always someone here who saw through what I was saying and told me the same (I think you may have been one of them, also IMP).

If you need to, take a break from DB. You can always come back to it. Hopefully the crush is just a crush and you'll see that you really aren't emotionally ready for anything more. I will say that crushes are great for getting you to see that life after D does exist. At least that's what I use them for when I'm feeling down...

(I mean simply having an innocent crush on someone from afar, without letting Crushee, or anyone else, know about it. NOT acting on it...)

[forward]

MMF and SH,

MMF, no need to apologize; I know you are right.

SH, I would say the same--I admire Crushee from afar but I leave it at that. I think Crushee also recognizes the situation as risky. That said, it's not easy to deal with it. It would be easier if I didn't see him as frequently as I do (we work together).

I think I need a break from H altogether, to be honest. I am starting to think that this is what real detachment is about. I want to cancel the mediation session next week. What is the point?

Seeming as if H is likely to spend Tgiving w/OW. If he doesn't want D2 on that day (and I'd be surprised if he does), I am going to take her to my family's home where she can have a real Thanksgiving dinner with family and other children in particular. Plus I'll have a nicer Thanksgiving, too.

[forward]

I canceled the mediation session.

I will continue to DB but I will not "try."

[missmyfriend]

Do you mean "try" as in trying to fix the marriage or being active with your H?