ILY's & ML...no fights..this is a strange S! Help!

[Gingersnap]

Update:

12am yesterday I get a call. H asks if I want him to move back home. Silence from me. I don't want to get into it at midnight, so I try to evade the question. He finally starts talking....really talking. He says he wishes I had been there after his father's death. I tossed db'ing to the wind at this point and reminded him that he specifically told me he did not want me to go to the funeral. It broke my heart he didn't want me there to support him. He told me he wishes I had fought harder on it and gone anyway. HUH? I told him it's time for him to start saying what he means because I'm not a mind reader. He agreed. More convo and I said we really need to go see someone who can help us communicate. He agreed again. But I didn't want to have to be the one to bring up the obvious. He says he wants to go to Europe together next year...etc. etc. I talk briefly about how absolutely beat up I felt with his and DSS's anger and lack of respect. He insists the anger is not directed at me - that I'm his only sounding board and he's just venting. Trust me, that is NOT what I experienced. We agreed to talk on Sunday (today after he works) and hung up.

2:30am another call. "Please tell me you love me..." I tell him I love him and that he needs to get some sleep. I left the convos feeling like it's still all about him and how I'm not this perfect W who mind-reads and caters to him. I'm not mentioned at all except as it relates to his needs, etc.

He goes to work and gets off at 7:00. He wants to come over. watch football, and stay the night. I agree because I haven't had time to process anything. It went well but very, very strange since I've gotten used to my own space and routine.

He left for work and said he needs to do laundry at his place tonight. I happily tell him that's a good idea. I don't particularly want to see him tonight. It was good for the kids to see him here this morning, though. They don't know about the S so having him here early helps.

I am thrilled that he's making an effort to discuss the R even though I haven't brought it up. But this morning he says "ok...you're not going to call me at work and accuse me of an A are you?" this was his idea of being funny. I was annoyed because he stills sees this as my issue. The whole trying to get him to admit to an A was a symptom of VERY real issues in our M. He either doesn't get it or is avoiding it. So while this sounds like excellent progress from a db-ing standpoint once again it's just let's candy-coat everything and try to continue. That won't work.

I'm going to distance myself today. I don't know how to proceed....like I said, it doesn't appear the books have much advice about a spouse wanting to come home without real work.

Wishing you all the best today.