lol

We're closer to being in a R than not. (Does that make sense?)

I guess after having done the DB thing before, busted the D back then, and going through it all again...I got kind of fed up with the cycle. My goal isn't necessarily to reconcile with xh--although that would be nice. I'm really just trying to understand my own self-esteem issues (his affair-related and otherwise) as well as work on my communication skills.

I'm long since over "If I say one wrong word, will he run the opposite direction??" I decided that if one "bad" convo was enough to make him run away for good...well, then, he's just a coward! No, I'm kidding. What I really mean is, I'm less afraid of making mistakes.

Another incidental thing is, I've stopped tracking all the ups and downs. Before, I journaled our daily interactions. Was he moving closer? Running away? It'll make your head spin! lol So, I'm no longer bothering to look at things at that granular of a level. Just sort of looking back at how we interacted six months ago, a year ago, and examining sticking spots now.

Are we moving closer? Yes. Am I holding my breath anymore? No.

But, life is pretty good.

\:\)

Azhira

my confusion