okay, keep remembering my favorite lines from last night...he said (and I'm not kidding) that this all sucks much more for him than it does for me.
Of course he thinks that. Most LBS' do. He HAD to move out of the house, he has guilt for doing this to your kids (and most likely you too), he knows he f'd up big time. He thinks your sitting at home, watching the kids and though hurt, your life hasn't changed much. Yeah, I've heard the same spew. They'll justify what they are doing and how they feel with whatever they can. He is hurting but there is nothing you can do to help him. It is sort of a catch 22 because your damned if you do and damned if you don't. Walking the line between the two is tough. Focus on what YOU need and doing what is right for the kids.
Hope the drop off with the kids goes without incident.
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
okay, keep remembering my favorite lines from last night...he said (and I'm not kidding) that this all sucks much more for him than it does for me.
LOL Must come straight from the handbook. I heard this from H before, how I am sittin' pretty with the kids and the house (even though he is still here) and he is so lost! Yeah, my life is awesome!! You got me.
morgan, I think in their alien mind, its normal to want to change history. I sometimes think if I died, H would be able to move on with his life with no guilt (hey, I died, he didn't leave me), have the kids and his freedom. Obviously, I am in no danger (well...hee hee, better not have him make me a Diet Coke...) but you get what I mean. Its hard for you to hear that he 'regrets' the kids, but he doesn't. He would be running from them, not trying to see them. He just sees them and you as a 'responsibility' right now, and WAS's don't like responsibility. And his OW definately doesn't like him having resposibility, makes it too 'real'.
Must have been the night for dreams. Although, I wish I had a bad one instead of a 'good' one, I dreamed we got back together....
well, he just left and it almost went well. we even chatted briefly. before he came my sister and I were on the phone and I think I'm going to go ahead and drive down to VA with the kids for thanksgiving...well, will drive the friday after, since h has the kids for thanksgiving, and we'll have the big dinner at my sister's house on saturday. my niece/nephews birthday is that friday, so my kids will get to be there for that, too (yes, they were born the same day, 2 years apart, btw).
anyway, h asked if he could come by for halloween and I said yes, then I asked him if it was okay if I took the kids that thanksgiving weekend. there was a bit of confusion, he didn't remember the holiday schedule I'd laid out months ago, but he was fine with it. so we started talking a bit about Dan almighty. my sister and I both saw it this weekend and we were laughing about some of the extended family moments, and also a bit sad because of distance, we don't get together often. anyway, H was interested that I saw the movie...he was very interested in who I saw it with (scott, if you are reading, he asked if I saw it with wel hung, lol).
I didn't answer, just said a friend. none of his business. but it was good to have a sort of normal exchange, considering what is going on.
then he said he had a weird dream, that he ran into my BIL (my sister's h) and that BIL was really cold to him. I told him it beat my dream, I dreamed I ran into OW.
that, right there, was my mistake. I didn't elaborate on my dream, just said that. he said it was bound to happen, he was surprised it hasn't, and because of where things are going its going to happen sooner rather than later. that she is going to be a part of my kids lives and such. I said yeah, but I hope I don't have a reason to see her myself until the kids weddings. he was very offended by that idea. seemed downright eager for his life to just magically fall into place, with me and ow being buddy buddy, her being a surrogate parent for the kids, etc, etc.
I want to throw up.
we didn't end well. I'm too tired to care. he went off on me for some stuff, I asked him not to in front of the kids, he did anyway.
so much fun.
this sucks.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
because of where things are going its going to happen sooner rather than later. that she is going to be a part of my kids lives and such.
Oh. My. Gosh. Now only is he a coward and a (your word) tool, he has no empathy and no tact. I like your friend saying she is disgusted with him, because I am now in that club. The NERVE of him, bringing that crap up this morning. Yes, we all know in reality that it might happen, but my LORD, to lecture you about it today? Of all days??? What a...I can't even type it here...so I will say loser.
Oooooh Morgan's H, morgan is shaking in her boots because you threw out the 'OW will see kids' threat..... Guess what? She knows it won't matter, she knows who her kids will (and have) come to for support. Her kids are smart enough to see through all of this, and are learning from their MOTHER'S example what real love is.
Coming back to the fact that he is sooo amazingly insenstive to bring that up today. What a fool. Makes him look so pathetic. I can't believe he did that to you.
...looking up flights to come and stalk H and his OW for you.....
Hey,. morgan.... it's intesting that you mentioned that your H grew up without a dad.
That's probably why he thinks it's just fine for him to basically abandon your kids. Becuase he views a dad as superfluous in a family, rather than being a crucial part of one.
Might also explain why he felt burdened by them. He lacks the inner role model.
(plus, to be honest: 3 year olds arent as much interest to most males, as older children. A guy has to be very much "in touch with his feminine (and UNSELFISH) side", to enjoy being around 3 year olds. Whereas 5 year olds are more fun from a strictly male perspective)
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
yeah, nice of him, wasn't it, to go there about ow today? unfortunately if I had been better focused I could have seen what was coming and handled it better than I did. he just does not see things the way I do. I asked him if he could understand why the thought of seeing ow, or her having part of my children's lives, would be painful to me. finally he conceded that point...but the concession was short lived. he just thinks it will be painful for 5 minutes, then everything will be wonderful.
guess that's why he's hoping to dump me off on some guy. if I'm distracted by someone else, I'll be able to emotionally handle all the crap ahead soooo much better.
ugh.
saffie, I'd rather have a bottle in front of me. (okay, old joke...is that one told in the uk?). btw, when this all first came out my mil was sure he had a brain tumor. I'm talking dead certain of it, not joking, she was terrified, because he was so drastically different all of the sudden. and oh, how i love you for the ow's hand up his butt statement...maybe that is it. sure seems like it.
lwb, I'm glad you are in my corner, because wow, when you get angry...yikes! but you and my friend and everyone else is right, he's a fool, an idiot, and heartless. lacks a lot of empathy. is as selfish as a 2 year old. worse.
yep, dom, he lacks a lot...no male role model, no role model of any healthy committed marriage. he told me last night that he thinks people are disposable. that his own mother, whom he loves, he could easily go 6 month without talking to her and not care. and ya know what, its true. I know it is. I knew that about him, I just never thought in my wildest imagination that I would be one of the people he disposed of. live and learn.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Let me see if I understand this. Your H wanted sympathy for his dream, but then he went and said that about your dream?!!!? Just when I think I've heard everything I possibly could from your H, he always goes one step further.
Saffie is right. He is a glove puppet. Didn't he thank you for not filing a few weeks ago because he wasn't sure it was what he wanted? He doesn't know whether he is coming or going. I'm sure OW has started putting some serious pressure on. Maybe she found out about your sexual encounter with your H.
I agree with Dom on the dad thing. It kind of makes sense. Plus, add in OW's perspective as a divorcee and this is buiness as usual-just the way things go. Sick. I'm so sorry.
Your kids are so lucky that you are their mother. I know you will do whatever it takes to minimize their hurt as much as possible. Once he has what he is asking for, he will realize that it is not the answer to his problems like he thinks it is.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
ya know, neph, I asked him about that, about why he was happy that I held off on the lawyer a couple of weeks ago. he claims it was because he thought I wouldn't do mediation. but mediation here is thru a lawyer. and I had mentioned mediation when I was telling him I was getting the lawyer.
I'm sooo tempted to go ahead and just file. I know I probably won't, but part of me is tempted to just use the stock money to get the very $$$ lawyer that I talked to last spring (she was a lot more than the other lawyer, but I loved her) and just get it over with. but I just want to do it for the shock value, its not because its the right thing to do, so I won't. but I'm going to fantasize about it.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
