I had a drop out...even with a young son...he would go months without a word...not even a reply to our son...missed school events...it was bad.. Like another poster...my H was repulsed by me...really did a number on my self esteem which I am still dealing with even though he has been home for over a year and a half....It was all he could do to even hug me... Before he made the decision to return he would not even so much as kiss me on the cheek...I asked for a kiss once and he gave me such a disgusted look...I never asked again...I asked once if he ever got sexual urges (OW lived out of state)...and again that disgusted look....I never asked again... My H's performance did diminish if he drank but it certainly didn't kill his zeal so I don't think OW would have complained...My H said he couldn't have sex without the feelings of emotional attachment...which is why he usually drank when we were still together...without the alcohol he wouldn't have any desire for me at all...and couldn't fake it...he needed the attachment to OW in order to have sex with her...he never co-mingled between us... When things ended with her it was nearly 2 years before he returned to me...when he did the sex was awkward...he had always been a great lover and now was having some issues...ideas had changed too...things are slowly improving but then it was only about 6 months ago that he was able to express verbally his love for me... Was he punishing himself because of the guilt...or is he one of the rare men that just doesn't "have sex"...BTW...his OW moved on quickly...I think she got all of her 3 previous H's by getting pregnant...she was only 32 so she had quite a track record even then! I will never understand any of it...as much as I missed the sex...I am greatful that I didn't have to make a decision to have it or not when he was gone...I was cautious when he returned and insisted on an STD screening before things returned without protection...he complied...
