I think your W is experiencing Guilt and Shame. Stubborn pride is a horrible thing. I think a lot of WAS's will keep going, even when they realize it is a horrible mistake, simply because they can't admit that it was, in fact, a mistake.
I agree. She is confused.
I think you already have become the chooser. Same with you, lwb. It is already up to you.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I reckon you hit the nail on the head. They will continue on the path they have chosen to prove everyone wrong, including themselves (if there is the shame and guilt and possible regret).
Just got back from DD's birthday party. All went well. Everyone had a great time at the Wave pool.
Got to talking with BIL and both SIL's whilst at the party. Got some great PMA out of it.
BIL spoke about OM. When W brought him over to her parents place the other week. W's parents, both my SIL's, and both BIL's all dislike him. They all think he is a loser, and cannot understand how W could be with him.
The dad even told W not to bring him to his 60th birthday party. MIL told my BIL that eventhough she is pushing 60, she would not even kiss OM at her age, suggesting how unattractive he is. All this put a huge smile on my dial.
He is tight with his money (does not pay for anything), did not buy DD a birthday present, even though they have been dating for 11 months, and does nothing special for W (like I used to).
I think this is great for W to understand exactly how brown the grass really is on the other side.
SIL (W's twin) gave me a big hug and kiss after the party, and told me how everyone in her family love and miss me so much. And that she wants me over to her place more often, minus W (as I have always gotten on really well with her and her husband). She also told me that she wanted to call me later to tell me a few things????????
I asked her "All bad?", and she said "Not bad?". So I wonder what her and W were talking about at the party?
W thanked me for organising and paying for a wonderful party, and for organising all the goodie bags for the kids etc etc. It sounded sincere, so that made me feel good.
I am off to a mates house to watch DVDs and have some Thai food, whilst DD is going to spend the rest of Sun evening with W (and poss with OM).
Sorry for the ramblings, but possibly things may be coming to a head????
Hope you all have had an excellent weekend, Lotsa luv, AndyV
Wave pool! Love it. What a wonderful person you are for putting everything behind you and focusing on your DD's party. Amazing man, and your W even noticed. You know, that goes against all these WAS's stand for, to compliment the 'enemy', so you really impressed her.
Sounds like OM is very selfish and not just with money. What a fool. How do you feel about OM being around your DD? What does she say about him?
I hate OM being around DD, but it is beyond my control. DD doesn't talk about him, but says that he is mummy's boyfriend, so I am thankful that W does not hold hands or kiss in front of her.
I hate DD being involved in all this. She is doing so well at school, and is so happy and pleasant, but I can see that it is affecting her. My mother told me that when DD slept over there a few weeks ago, she told my mother how she was "embarrassed" about everything that is happening. I feel so sorry for her that she feels this way at school and when she visits relatives.
I would have been a little happier if the scumbag at least got her a gift, the tight arse.
I just hope that he is not hanging around long enough for W to look after him after settlement. He loves my W's car (new V8 Statesman), loves the fact that we have a huge home (settlement wise), and enjoys her paying for everything. I know it is not my money, but it really pisses me off.
She still hasn't given me her new mobile number, after several weeks, but I have not asked for it. I told her to txt it to my mobile when she had time.
I haven't called my SIL (she asked me to call her because she had some interesting news, good news after she and W had a long chat at the birthday party). But I am going to resist, as blood is thicker than water, and everything I discussed in the past always got back to W, so I will not go there.
andy, you are handling things so well. things in my situation are headed fast in that direction...h is getting very excited about introducing the kids to ow soon. its freaking me out, but trying not to show it to them at least. I hope she is good to them...I want it to be easy for them. but I guess part of me is selfish enough to want it to be not so easy. but it will be. and unlike being a tight arse, they are both spendy (h and ow) and will buy their love and acceptance. ugh.
yep, as supportive as in-laws are, blood is thicker. it always will be. hard to accept when you have a close bond. I do with mine as well.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I can imagine how you feel. At least I don't have to compete with OM in regards to him buying my DD's love and acceptance. It is so funny that W cares for him so much, that she will give up everything for him, including her lifestyle. She has suffered financially over the last several weeks since we split all the finances.
She can no longer use my "superfluous" money on herself to buy all the extras that she always asked for, hence me "not being there" because I had to work to get this money.
Sure, OM will be there, due to his regular 9-5 job, but she will not have the luxury of buying whatever she want's with him. It will hit her even harder when she has her own morgage and her own bills to pay for.
Is it normal for a WAS to want to spend every night and day with the OP. I can't believe that he doesn't have a life, and that he can be there for her everyday, that is soooo bizaar. Obviously they both don't have lives, and that is where the problem was with my W. I had a life along with my family (work, friends etc), whilst she did not make an effort to have one for herself, to compliment what she had with our family.
She took DD with her to his place on Sunday (after DD's party), then she went there after work yesterday (Mon) getting home near midnight, then asked me to pick up DD this afternoon, because she was going out (OM) tonight. I have not seen this sort of activity with OM for the entire 11 months she has been with him. It has only happened in the last week, I wonder if the confusing is too much for her and she needs to be away from the family, and family home??? Or is it due to my indifference and withdrawal/detachment/GALing that has forced her to make the R with OM more obvious to me, to push my buttons?
Luckily for me, that has not happened for several months, and will not happen again.
Also the revelation that her whole family dislike him, and the extra kind behaviour towards me over the last few weeks. Who knows? Maybe she needs to validate her feelings for him, by spending more time with him, or maybe her feelings for him are stronger than before, sort of "Romeo and Juliet" syndrome, with everyone against them.
Regardless of which way it goes, I am feeling pretty good about things. Excited about the future, with or without her. But sort of leaning towards without, to be honest.
It's great to hear how your PMA is going through the roof! What an awesome party you put together for your D! It really sucks that your W has rubbed this whole sitch in D's face along with yours. Your D should not have to feel embarrassed by what her mother is doing. She is so lucky to have such a great dad like you!
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
