There and Back #11

[SallyM]

funny thing, I'm too nauseous for drinks. maybe tomorrow. not even watching the sox...don't give a damn tonight.

called H, dumb I know, but I wanted to ask him to pack the bear book (a kids book about dealing with separation that I sent up last week) and the oprah tape and bring them tomorrow. he asked why, I said because i like to read the book to the kids from time to time and I wanted to watch the oprah tape. he said he hadn't watched it yet, so I said he could either bring it and I'll send it back with him when I'm done, or he can watch it this week and bring it next week. he asked if I was home, i said yeah, I ended up cancelling going out (I had forgotten I had told him I was going out at the end of our meeting...oops!). that was that, he said bye and hung up.

did I tell you all that he said having children, especially the twins, was the biggest mistake of his life. he loves them, but gets not joy from them. nice, huh?

the funny thing, in the beginning of the conversation tonight, he said he didn't know how we could ever find out way back again. I didn't problem solve, but it did seem to me that he was asking sincerely. I said that it would be hard, but that once we both wanted that, we would be able to figure it out. maybe I read too much into that, though, because boy did he go in the other direction the rest of the night.

sigh.

thanks again all. and yeah, ncb, it is a wonderful book. wish I had read it ages ago. looking forward to finishing it this week. I think its something that will help me the rest of my life.

I don't think he does know that he is the cause of his pain, the cause of his dissatisfaction, btw. I think he is still too heavy into blame mode.