np, M. I'm around all day tomorrow. Give me a ring when you're ready. Get some rest tonight. And go to bed knowing that you stood up for yourself, your M and your family.
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
Been following your sitch, Morgan. You were totally amazing in your convo (that must be some book.) Your H is lost and floundering, and blaming you for his predicament. And yet he can't bring himself to really end it. Why? Partly because he's a coward. And mostly because he knows, deep down, that he is the cause for his disatisfaction with his life. He has his doubts and he wants you to remove the option of having a recourse to what he wants to do; so if it turns out poorly with the OW he can blame you (or at least say that you left him no other choice.) Either way he gets to deflect blame away from himself for his continued disatisfaction with his life. He gets to make you out to be the bad guy for forcing the D on him should it not go as he dreams it will.
funny thing, I'm too nauseous for drinks. maybe tomorrow. not even watching the sox...don't give a damn tonight.
called H, dumb I know, but I wanted to ask him to pack the bear book (a kids book about dealing with separation that I sent up last week) and the oprah tape and bring them tomorrow. he asked why, I said because i like to read the book to the kids from time to time and I wanted to watch the oprah tape. he said he hadn't watched it yet, so I said he could either bring it and I'll send it back with him when I'm done, or he can watch it this week and bring it next week. he asked if I was home, i said yeah, I ended up cancelling going out (I had forgotten I had told him I was going out at the end of our meeting...oops!). that was that, he said bye and hung up.
did I tell you all that he said having children, especially the twins, was the biggest mistake of his life. he loves them, but gets not joy from them. nice, huh?
the funny thing, in the beginning of the conversation tonight, he said he didn't know how we could ever find out way back again. I didn't problem solve, but it did seem to me that he was asking sincerely. I said that it would be hard, but that once we both wanted that, we would be able to figure it out. maybe I read too much into that, though, because boy did he go in the other direction the rest of the night.
sigh.
thanks again all. and yeah, ncb, it is a wonderful book. wish I had read it ages ago. looking forward to finishing it this week. I think its something that will help me the rest of my life.
I don't think he does know that he is the cause of his pain, the cause of his dissatisfaction, btw. I think he is still too heavy into blame mode.
Last edited by morgan; 10/28/0703:07 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
You know, the ugly statment about the kids is probably the heart of the matter. This man doesn't like being a father. It's not you. It's being part of a family. He doesn't feel that he belongs. It's very sad. He's missing the joy in life.
