Hi Joan, I know how frustrating it is when you don't feel like many people are responding to your posts. I wanted to but frankly didn't know what to say. I tried to go back and read some of the thread but my head is hurting.....so could you just kind of catch me up to date about something? I read where your H wanted the two of you to get into "swinging" and that is where he met the OW. But, if I read correctly, he was jealous of you and maybe some OM? If I'm wrong, I apologize. What I was wondering about if he considers the two of you still in this lifesyle. If so, then that is why he probably is as "free" (for lack of a better word) with seeing the OW. I take it, though, you decided you didn't want to partake of the swinging life....am I correct about that? I am very old fashion and don't know a lot about this sort of thing, but from what I have read in books....and if I understood it correctly...."swingers" are couple that go to parties and both partners can have sex with anyone they choose to have sex with at the party...or maybe they leave...I don't know, but I think they both indulge. Anyway, I read where an "open marriage" was when the individuals were free to have sex with anyone at anytime whether the spouse had sex with somebody at the same time or not. I don't know about "dating".......I thought it was just free to have the sex act with others.....nothing emotional or no long term stuff like dating, etc. I don't think couples that are easily jealous of each other could handle either type of lifestyle. I think your H was jealous of the thought of you being with another man, but then he liked being with another woman! Pretty one-sided, huh?
Anyway, I may be confussed about all of it and it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I think from what I read that you want to save your M. Sweetie, I think you have a hard row to tow. He has had a taste of it now and he is enjoying himself. But, apparently he is not going from one woman to another......he is stuck on one. I got the idea he used the "swinger" concept just for his excuse to be with her.
Well, I am talking in circles. I am here if you want to talk. I just am kind of at a loss as to what to say right now.....in the way of any advice. If you decide you want to hang in there and fight for him, I certainly wish you the best. Maybe it will run its course and the thing for the OW will burn out and he will get his eyes open before a D is final. Some still hang on to hope even when a D has finalized. I guess until he is M to another, you can always hope. One thing for sure, you have found out you can be a better person and I encourage you to work on that.....for yourself...nobody else. Respect yourself, honey, and don't let anyone make you feel less valuable. Do things that will help you to like yourself more. Read self-help books and eat a good diet and work out. Keep a good mental attitude. All these things help us to heal and to deal with the bad stuff.
Take care and keep coming back to journal. Don't give up on the board. Sometimes I go for quite a spell that nobody post on my thread, but I just go read others and post to them....lol. It helps a lot.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
