No I'm not going to push the subject any further right now. She needs to process it all, dig deep in her own feelings and let it all sink in. She's given me some real clear direction and I am going to run with it. It also gives me some renewed energy for the job search.
Right now I am struggling on another front, not really depression or sadness but slightly more than melancholy. It's something I have been battling for weeks now and I haven't found a good way to deal with it. I can usually put it at bay for a while if I get busy but as soon as I stop its right there waiting for me.
So why am I feeling this way? I can't really say for certain but I guess its a combination of things, the long job search, just missing my wife, family and our time together, knowing that with work we can have something so wonderful and better than before, getting glimpses and little positive indications from her but nothing more then the distance she creates at times as if she doesn't want me around. My best guess on the distance is her creating space for herself so she can process. I try to keep the space during these times.
Yes I know patience and after basically a year patience isn't too difficult, not always easy but it isn't hard either. Still the whole thing is taking it toll at times on me. When it does I get to feeling like this, worse yet is at times I feel even lower and just want to crawl under a rock for a bit. Sadly a lot of the friends I have made this past year aren't always keeping up with me. Many of them know I am struggling right now even with all the positives yet when I need them around most they are no where to be found. Guess that's the danger of having a lot of new friends from a divorce/separation group. I get the feeling many of them secretly are jealous that there is some hope with my marriage.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
