My dear Jeanette - I KNOW it makes no sense, no sense at all. At some deep level he cannot access he loves me deeply, but he is terrified of the strength of that emotion. I think [and this is only a theory] that he is afraid of emotional abadnonment, so that rather than leave himself open to the possibility that I might leave him, he has left me. That way he won't have to live in permanent fear of my going . . . The worst has happened. If he lets me back into his life he re-opens himself to the fear of abandonment.
So he wants me in his life, but as A friend - a force that HE can control. The love and passion tha he felt for me he can't control. Wha he feels for the OW is disposable, and he isn't too hooked. Except that it became an addiction at some point .. . .
Look I don't KNOW all this, it is just what sems to be going on. He has to hurt me, I know that; he doesn't seem able to leave the OW alone. He is lost and guilty and ashamed, and spinning. . . . ..
I have really tried the tender and loving, but it terrifies him. Goodness this is weird. I have let out more on this thread than in the last two years.
Hugs, A
Well good for YOU! This is what this place is about..letting it out, pondering over these weird situations we face day to day. So.....LOL, forgive me but I am picking away your brain here...but he wants you as a friend, but his actions are not even friendly! So it looks to me as he is flailing around and doesn't know WHAT the hell we wants....even as a friend he cannot control you.
I noticed that you've spoken to BND about the "intellectual" ones. So have I. I've noticed some patterns in the more "analitical" spouses. Seems as if your H chose a well known easy lay...as IT is something that yes, is easily disposed of as apparently she's been "disposed" many times. I too think he is ashamed of his actions, but he very afraid of showing his true emotions so he lashes out in anger.
In a weird way, I'm starting to believe his "Pushing" you is perhaps a (I'm going out on a weak limb here" is a cry for help?
Hehehe....oneday all those pieces of the puzzle will fit together enough to make a "theory" of what the hell happened!
Cheers!
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
