Angela, You have to do what is right and comfortable for you during this time. If interaction creates some unrest within yourself, then by all means keep the contact to a minimum.
They all look at us as authority figures and that's what they are lashing out at. They are wanting to break the bonds that they think that bind them to us. This is where the other person is waiting in the wings comes in. That person is the catalyst that helps them to walk away. They are there pushing their emotional/ego buttons and this makes them feel stronger and more independent than ever.
The ow is someone who needs some type of emotional fix as well, it's not all about sex. Some are just as emotionally out of whack as they are. They are actually feeding off of each other's needs. Yes, money, security, popularity and above all else, having fun is what they are looking for in the "married" spouse that they are w/at that time. Our spouses are out there seeking someone who will build them up during this emotional and very fragile time, and of course, the op doesn't care what lives our spouses leave behind, just as long as they are getting what they are searching for. The true love and emotional bonds aren't there in the real sense that they were w/you. The mlcers are looking for a pal, someone to pal around w/to have fun, spend money and lash out at the world. They want to prove something and what better way to prove it to you, everyone else and themselves, but by hooking up w/the OP. In time, this changes because the OP will eventually want stability and security on a permanent basis. Yes, some will get caught in the trap of marrying their affair partner, but they will not be happy and will continue to hammer at you. Why? They are extremely miserable and can't let go of what they once had and they don't want you to be happy or move on w/o them. Yep, they are very irrational people to think this way, but they do.
So, my advice, I know that we all obsess about the OP for a long time, but once you've gotten a bit further down the road, don't allow them person to have any more space in your head. They aren't worth it. If your spouse didn't have this person around them, they would have someone else. They just didn't care who they hooked up w/at that time, just as long as they weren't too alone in the process of walking away from the real paradise that they had at home. Unfortunately, the Land of Oz is not always what they think it will be. Give the mlcers plenty of space and time to figure things out. If you can leave them alone as much as you can, you'll discover that your spouse may come sniffing around to see what's going on in your life. Trust me, you are never far from their memories or consciences.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
