I swear that you are writing about me! Experienced the same reaction from my wife about 6 years ago...secret cell phone, txt msgs, email accounts, time unaccounted for while all along indicating that we could work things out.
What she was actually doing was stringing me along because I truly cared for her and my family and wanted things to work out while all along continuing her relationship on the side. So I paid the bills, went to counseling, "dated", read the books....but it didn't matter one little tiny bit as far as the rejunenating the relationship...
Anyone in and extramarital affair is having a ball and they can manipulate the pants off of the left-behind spouse because he/she is dumbfounded and totally lost because his/her world had been turned upside down.
Get a private investigator today...very expensive, but very valuable. Seal the deal. Go to your attorney Monday....get legally separated after you prove the affair is ongoing. Better yet, document that she left the home without your permission or any agreement. Close the accounts. You are off her list. Get her off of yours. She will be nice and seem to cooperate as long as you keep the $ flowing....shove her into her lover's arms with reality that you create. I know you are miserable, lonely, stressed, tired and looking for all the answers you can to unlock the door back to her heart.
Do not act nice. Do not go on dates. She doesn't want to be there. Create the reality for her that is she is gone, so are you.
I wish I had listened to my friends who could see my situation from the outside. I unfortunately became the great enabler instead of the ender. She left the marriage, you didn't want her to go, and now you have the great pleasure of putting an end to it all because she won't, for whatever reason.
She has her lover. She has you...if it doesn't work out with Bozo then she'll just come home and treat you poorly because you are now her last choice and she'll be very unhappy that now she's stuck with you and her lover is off with someone else and she'll be depressed because she just lost her Lover...blah, blah, blah.
The info on the web site is awesome. The coaches are great. But, a woman who is gone is gone and will most likely never come "home" again for many reasons, even if she decides to live with you again at sometime in the future. Cut you losses now. Please. Yes, you can get back together but it will always be difficult and stressful wondering when the next bomb will drop.
Check out the web site, Women's Infidelity.com The information there will help you peer into the mind of someone in the throws of an affair.
I am a better changed person because of the events in my life but if I can help spare another man from years of trying when it won't matter, then that's all I can do.
