I just ask about reaching out to you because it strikes me that he's groping towards something and he doesn't even know what "something" is. In doing so, he might do a 360 and end up right back with you.
Wow, that's something I haven't been considering. He is clearly moving toward something, and I agree that he's not even sure what that is. I think he'll have to get there, though, to figure out if it's what he really wants. We'll see where we get. I think the door's still open, but the work it would all take can be overwhelming even to consider.
He told me that a friend told him last night, look, you're going to be miserable for a while, so embrace it, go through it, and deal. The same friend told me later that he told H not to "burn his bridges." Ha.
And Heim, very hairy.
Hope your run upped your temperature.
Hey ST!
I know what you mean about diet. H is hardly eating right now, and he's never been able to regulate his diet on his own much. He hasn't been eating with us for a long time, just grabs something out of the fridge that doesn't require any prep (like ham slices or something). I don't know what he's eating otherwise. Again, though, that's something he'll have to figure out.
I went to the hangout last night, which made me feel a bit anxious. I saw a lot of people I know, all of whom were kind and seemed happy to see me. COW's psycho ex gave me his phone number, told me if I ever wanted to talk about anything (yeah, right) to call him, that this had all hurt him, too, that he'd sent apologies to me through H (never delivered), etc. One friend told me she'd been waking up worrying about me, felt she had somehow contributed to my sitch (she's a mother-hen type), so I was glad to talk to her and reassure her that I'm fine.
In general, it was absolutely fine. I had a friend meet me for some moral support; she arrived about a half hour after I did and left an hour before, but it was really nice to have her there. One of H's friends from work showed up; I missed the moment to say hi if I was going to and that was a bit awkward.
And the truth is, after I got over the weirdness factor and had talked to everyone, it was the same-old, same-old---a little dull. I'm so glad to have gone back, but I don't plan to spend much time there.
Some people were talking about COW last night and her insecurities regarding her hair (!). Then last night I dreamed I finally found out what H had spent that $650 on that he mentioned in week 1 or 2 (when he said it felt strange to spend so much money "outside the family")---her hair appointments. In my dream I freaked out, said angrily, "I need to talk to you" in front of a bunch of people, dragged him outside, and started yelling at him: cursing, calling him names, telling him that was the last money he'd ever spend on her, etc. It felt really awful in the dream---I was completely out of control and everyone felt sorry for me.
I woke up feeling pretty bad; isn't it funny how that happens? I guess there's still some anger there (ya think?)
H just asked me how my night was, then asked me where I went. I have the strong impression he already knew, since he never asks me otherwise. I told him, and that it was fine. Don't like that he knew, though. He told me he's working on his PMA, and he sounds a lot better. The old yin and yang, but I'm determined to stay up this time!
