One day at a time, #3

[saffie]

If he wants a hug then hug him if you want to. Remeber your C said to act nice didn't she. You want your H to see what he would be losing.

Good luck and enjoy!!!!

saffie

[nephartiti]

If H wants a hug, then go with it. Follow his lead for contact. However, if he starts to get a little nasty, you have to be the bigger person and stay nice.

[LuvMyHusband]

well, my house is clean, laundry is in the works. My D8 and I have carved a pumpkin and I am making my homemade Chicken & Dumplings soup for tonights Halloween party at church. Yes, I am getting out. The kids are getting out. We are putting on costumes and are going to have fun.

Yes, I am supermom and superwoman today. I am feeling a lot better since getting a budget together and knowing that we will be ok.

Now to keep our fingers crossed for when H is here. I have lots of plans during the morning hours when the kids are in school. It seems like it might be a little difficult to be in the same house alone together for too long.

[saffie]

Doing the budget and knowing you can get by must be such a relief. I expect your H might be very relieved by that as well. The finances can be just that extra pressure that tips things over the edge if they are already shaky. Now you might be able to actually enjoy one another's company.

I hope you have a good time tonight and that keeps your PMA up so that you are ready and happy to see your H.

Saffie

[LuvMyHusband]

Hi all,
My emotions have been fluctuating all day. On one hand I'm looking forward to seeing him but on the other hand I am nervous. I am also struggling with the thoughts of what the OW has told me about him and the stuff that he told her that she relayed to me.

I would like to know how you keep the thoughts tamped down so that you can act AS IF?

[SueS]

Luv-

My H is still at home, but the communication isn't really there all the time and I, like you, at times get nervous about seeing him. The other night I was nervous because our D3 was out of town and it would just be the two of us. My stomach tightened when it was time for him to come home. Let me tell you this....Just as I heard him pulling in the garage it hit me. I had no reason to be nervous. I am not perfect, but I was not the one in this R to decide to have an A. I am not the one who should be uncomfortable. It's not fair. My H walked through the door and instead of waiting to see what his mood was like, I set the mood. I was nice. I asked how his day was....etc. He ended up being the one who was nervous. Don't be nervous.

I understand you're struggling with what she's told you. But how do you know it's all true? She doesn't care about you. If she did, she would have gone out of his life long ago. She's going to do and say what is best for her and her sitch.

Try to be upbeat. I'm not saying over the top, but friendly. At the very least, to keep things okay for your kids. So they feel comfortable. Our D is only 3. She's noticing things and that absolutely tears me apart inside. I try for her!

Have a good day. Sounds like you have fun plans!

SueS

[tryingtoholdon]

Just keep trying to tell yourself that you are a special beautiful person. You are so awesome that you won't let HIM get you down. Because your a happy warm person. Let that reflect on the outside. Let his words ,if they get nasty, just bounce off you. Just say with a smile oh I am so sorry you feel that way.

If he hugs you then I would hug him back. Just try to be happy and positive. Who knows how this will turn out. He may be coming back to try and sweep you off your feet because he is afraid that you are going to cut him off with the money.

Do you mean he isn't helping financially at all? He just expects you to support him and the kid's?

[LuvMyHusband]

well, we don't need to worry about any of the above now. My H called and wanted to know when he could see the kids, when he could pick them up. He doesn't want to be at the house period. Says that I am controlling the money and he wont' be controlled by me nor does he even want to see me. We ended up snapping at each other so now I don't know what's going on. I told him that I am sick and tired of his games and juvenile behavior. I am so sick of him. I just can't talk to him nor do I want to. I feel so bad for my kids because I don't know what he's going to do. Frankly I just don't trust him. What if he picked them up and took them back to CA.

[LuvMyHusband]

well, we don't need to worry about any of the above now. My H called and wanted to know when he could see the kids, when he could pick them up. He doesn't want to be at the house period. Says that I am controlling the money and he wont' be controlled by me nor does he even want to see me. We ended up snapping at each other so now I don't know what's going on. I told him that I am sick and tired of his games and juvenile behavior. I am so sick of him. I just can't talk to him nor do I want to. I feel so bad for my kids because I don't know what he's going to do. Frankly I just don't trust him. What if he picked them up and took them back to CA.

[nephartiti]

He won't take them to Cali. People in Lala Land don't want to take care of kids. His only motive would be to spite you.

I went through this with my H. We had to have several safe interaxtions by phone and in person before he would be at hte house with me. Act As If. Ask when he would like to, and try to be accommodating. He is the father of these children. He loves them and they need time with him. You and I are suspicious by nature. You have to try and trust.