I Belong Over Here

[RedHeadWife]

Just wanted to share this w/ you guys. I think we can all learn from this story, sad, but true. This is an email I sent to H today:

Hey, Babe. I'm so glad you got "home" safely. Now I'm just waiting for you to get here safely and then, most of all, home for good in May safely. I really miss you so much.



I want to share something with you. The reasons for me wanting to share this with you are numerous. One reason would be that I don't ever want us to be like this. I am so glad that we have gotten our "act" together as far as our marriage goes and I am so thankful we've been given a second chance or, better yet, that you decided to give us and me a second chance. Another reason would be, I guess, for some insight on maybe why I was the way I was. You've been around mom enough to put 2 & 2 together, however, this explains a lot more. I am never going to blame my actions on how I was brought up, I feel that's a cop out, however, the way we are brought up does have a lot to do w/ our actions and how we deal w/ certain situations.



Since mom's been over here so much and dad has too, I have made a few comments to mom about dad and the way he acts, etc. She actually opened up to me and was crying this a.m. Seems when he gets so angry at other drivers and gets up on their ass and acts the way he does, it scares the crap out of her. She's so very different than I am in that she never says anything to dad for fear of his anger and thus the silent treatment.

I had absolutely no idea how very unhappy she is/has been in their marriage. I guess he never tells her he loves her and never kisses her. You probably know she's not the type to "do" anything about it. She even referred to herself as a "prude" which is a strong word, but . . . That's what I was brought up w/ -- thinking that any type of sexuality from a woman was slutty or something, you know what I mean.

So, in essence, she never, never had the confidence (which I actually had to force myself to do after awhile in our marriage) to actually initiate or anything or do anything probably out of the "ordinary" in the bedroom, whatever ordinary is, but you get the idea.

So, now, she's been in this marriage for what 40 years? and she said she actually reads her books about "true love" and wonders what that really is. There was NEVER any communication about ANYTHING dealing w/ emotions, feelings or anything in their marriage so they have both obviously silently suffered all these years w/ no true "closeness" or intimacy, etc.



Now, of course, she goes over & over in her mind what she could have done differently and didn't and has so many regrets I think. But now it's to the point that she doesn't feel she can do anything to change anything and, like I said, no matter what she said or did, dad would probably just get defensive & angry, thus the vicious cycle they've made for each other.



Like I said, I don't ever want us to be like this. I know we probably came close a few times to acting like this, but not to this extreme I don't think and, thankfully, we still have lots & lots of time to change things and have a wonderful marriage for many years to come. When you get home, I just want us to remember that we need to put US first and make sure that we continue to communicate w/ one another. I want us to be best friends and lovers and talk about everything. I think a lot of times, our spouse gets taken for granted because that person is there 24/7 and it becomes almost "expected" that they will be there. I don't want it to be like that for us. I am so thankful that the Lord brought you and I, specifically, together and don't ever want to take that for granted.



I love you, Babe, and can't wait to just love you and take care of you when you get home.