Help me thru this sitch

[Heimlich]

He seems to be more comfortable asking me to do things or talking in general with me because I now do not react immediately or get defensive.

Ding, ding, ding. Keep doing that.

Joan, be patient on folks commenting. Everybody here is hurt to one degree or another. Shouting me, me, me isn't all that attractive, eh? By the way, is that something you do in personal life or just driven by the fact that you want help yesterday? Patience. Cultivate it for your sitch or go insane (or at least mildly nuts).

Your H is trying to do things for you and is talking to you in a civil manner. That's good. Built on that. Don't push the R talk for a while. I know that my W said she felt smothered. It was like I had diarrhea of the mouth. Don't do that. It's bad.

He has the OW and is going out with her tomorrow, I'm pretty sure, haven't asked and yet he still tries to treat me like nothing is going on, and everything is normal. How do men do that?

Don't lump us all together. Seems to me that you two swung/swang/swinged together (or at the same time, whatever, details aren't important) during your M. So, to him, this could just be a continuation of that. That make sense? He's probably not intentionally trying to hurt you. After all, you've done this before. I know it's different for you this time, but still, might not feel different to him.

I so want to hug him and have things be alright. Dang.

Pretty good summation of how all of us are feeling. Well, I'd like to hug "her," but you get my drift.

As we all say, keep the focus on you. And, especially for you, be as patient as you can possibily be. It's going to take all that you have and then some.

BD