another bomb is dropped

[Jen_Jam]

I'm happy to have my friends and this board to do my venting on.

It's the place to be when you're down

today, was going to store with W and d3, W got frustrated with the radio b/c every station she could flip to had something to do with a L song-I just let it go.

Good move - if she wants to sit in a wet nappy then let her.

later on tonight had a conversation with w and let her know how much I appreciated what she does for me and d's. w just sat and listened and didn't say much the rest of the night.

Hmmm ... not sure about this one, as long as you didn't go on and on ... sometimes it can just induce guilt .. tread carefully here.

after that I went a little nuts myself and retreated to the bedroom by myself to release and just have a good cry(yes I sound pathetic).

not at all - good that you removed yourself from W's company and didn't let her se that. you are NOT pathetic for crying.

earlier today, I stumbled upon one of w's letters to one of her friends(which I shouldn't have looked at) where she talked about OM from the summer before last who she had dated briefly. she hasn't been able to find or contact him(whew). But, she wrote about how she found him to be a "male version of herself" who liked to write and draw. OM is really a 35-yr old man collecting comic books living with his father with a nothing job. Not to be full of myself, but I really doubt he could touch me as far as keeping up with w's moodiness(or shopping habits) let alone hold down a job and be 1/2 the father I am to our d's. However W likes his freedom and carefree attitude(I need to still work on these more). I got to thinking, well D@#n, I used to be way cooler than that before W, but it's kind of a go nowhere destructive lifestyle. We've come too far together to let this junk stand in our way of being happy. W ought to know better than to pull this junk with all of the spiritual learning that she has done.

OK, snooping is bad for the reason that we often find things we either don't like or we read the worst into what we do find .. it's not good for US to snoop ...but having said that here you've found something useful ... W would like a guy like writing and drawing ... a bit of a free spirit. Now, I think I get you then you say the "free spirit" lifestyle is destructive (I'm thinking too much booze, maybe even drugs and these are bad things) BUT how about a "free spirit lite" version? You've been lucky in your snooping in that you've uncovered a little of what your W feels is missing from her life. OK, she can't have the lifestyle of a teenager any more, there are children to look after, bills to pay tec etc ... but I've seen quite a few WAS's (including my own) who feel they don't want to deal with the grey and mundane in life, but the fact is the grey and mundane doesn't go away. When my H was in la-la land he thought it was unfair that he couldn't go out, drink pints of lager, get 4 hours sleep then be fine again, like he could when he was 18. Or that it really wasn't a good idea to blow hundreds of pounds on new hifi equipment when his credit card had thousands on it. he just didn't want to deal with life and in a way behaved like a spoilt teenager.

So - what can you do about your W's desire to be a carefree teenager again? Not a lot. it's up to her to wake herself up, but you can create the kind of environment she feels comfortable waking up into. Be her friend, plan some fun things for YOU and don't invite her along .... plan some other fun things and do invite her ... get back in touch a little with your old self. You say you used to be "way cooler" but it was destructive ... ok think again on the "lite" version ... so going out until 4am getting whacked on booze or whatever isn't a good idea now ... but is there an alternative? Going out for a little while, or going to see a band? For example, last summer I took H to a festival for 1 day ... saw Billy Idol (fab!!) and he really enjoyed himself, it showed that just cos he was 36 didn't mean he'd never get to a festival again.

I may be way off the mark, and I'm not incinuating you used to drink load or do lots of drugs, the reason I say that is cos I used to (i was a teenage/20's tearaway). What do you think?