amazingly, I slept last night. not long enough, went to bed late/got up early, and what sleep I had was filled with intense/vivid dreams, but still, I slept.
its cold and rainy, going to read some of my book before heading to the gym. then going to get my notebook ready...yes, I will have one onhand for note-taking. I'm tempted to buy a new camcorder (ours is broken, I need a new one anyway) and set it up discreetly to us like they do in sports...to replay and figure where things went right/where they went wrong. hell, just to remember what was said, I'm sure a lot will be. but then again, do I really want a record of H asking me for a divorce? gee, there is one for the kiddies to look back on, hmmm? lol.
coolblueocean. that right there is my mantra for the day. sips of water, coolblueocean, be the lighthouse. your names will all be floating around my mind, too, because I know you are all in my corner.
actively listen, talk little. gather info, answer little or nothing. allow myself time to process what is said. keep the conversation safe for both of us. watch for signs it is becoming unsafe, because that's how things go wrong and end up misdirected. keep my goals centered...like above, when the conversation starts veering, remember my goals and steer it back. no either/or sucker-conversation. remember my "and" conversation. watch my tone of voice and body language. stop running/snarking. jump in that damned "pool of meaning" empathize, respect him and his position (even if I don't agree with it). listen listen listen answer nothing, turn it back on him.
I have a few canned responses, but not many, because I don't want to get caught up with it. this from Care is a definite, though:
"This is not what I want, but I understand you feel that this is something you need to do."
and one I thought of last night while waiting for the movie to start:
"I appreciate that you've put a lot of time and thought into this. I'd like to do the same, so why don't I get back to you this week."
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
