My old thread locked and appears to have been lost.
It's still there. In fact, I didn't know you'd jumped to another thread. I've been wondering what's up with you. My last post on your old thread was to the following remarks you made there. I've re-posted it below.
Originally Posted By: Psch1968
Well I perhaps shot myself in the foot big time this morning, but I cannot change what has happened, so here it goes......
We spoke on the phone, and I was feeling so unhappy I told her that we should try to agree a time to meet to discuss next steps. She asked me what that meant, and I told her it meant we needed to start planning the finalisation of our marriage. She appeared shocked, and expressed surprise - 'you are giving me mixed messages about what you want' - well yes I am but hell I am on an emotional roller coaster ride and suffering badly here.
I told her it was not what I wanted, that she knew how I felt, but that I was doing this for her because it was I felt what she wanted at this stage, and that it felt like she couldn't bring herself to admit this was what she wanted. She didn't deny or agree.
We agreed to meet next Sunday for lunch, when she will see the dogs for the first time since leaving.
What to do now - half of me says I screwed it up, half of me says I got it right and that enough is enough.
Of course, the answer to the question of whether or not you did the right thing is wholly dependent upon what you wanted to accomplish. If you want the M over and to get the D as quickly as possible, then you have made a sound choice and I have every reason to believe you will achieve both...and quite rapidly.
If you want to save your M (or at least give it the opportunity to recover), you did yourself no favors. Ask any of us who've been here for a while, we understand the desire to have some control over your life, to have some idea of what the future holds, and the drive to "stand up for yourself" in the face of someone who is treating you badly.
You can choose to act on these feelings and desires or choose to ignore them for the time being (which is not to say forever). If you ignore them, I cannot guarantee that something good will happen for you. However, if you act on them, I can pretty much guarantee you will quickly find there is nothing left to save. Assuming a holding pattern for now does nothing to prevent you from taking action at a later date when time and some additional knowledge can be applied. Acting, however, will likely leave you with no options.
Unless you are absolutely certain you are through under any and all circumstances, file for a legal separation so you have some protection and then just let things alone. Ban the D word from your vocabulary. Let her drive what happens next rather than force her hand. It's not easy, but few things in life are.
