Still trying to win WAW back (#2)

[Dom R]

Her IC sounds toxic for your marriage.
if your wife keeps seeing her, she will be more pressured to "do what makes her happy", which in the therapist's mind, will be to divorce you and go date lots of people.

There are unfortunately lots of "therapists" like this out there, making their money from telling people "do what makes you happy", rather then give their patients actual therapy to help them better deal with challenges, and grow as a person.

If you have any way of convincing her to change therapists, to one who is actually marriage friendly, that would be a Very Good Idea.
Definately not work trying to "force" her to. but if the discussion ever comes up... i'd suggest leaning towards "change"!!

But, if retrouville is soon... probably best not to stir anything up until after that

[Sara]

Your wife is not thinking like a responsible adult. You should not indulge the kids and give them their way. The parents are in charge. Son throws a fit. Put him in a room for time out. Period. Don't stand there and fight about it. Perhaps you should stop feeding the children meals and just give them dessert and candy. After all it makes them happy. This is a logical extension of the type of logic your wife gives you.

[DaveJ]

So we were planning to go to the state fair tomorrow as a family, but S had a fever this afternoon and had to be picked up from preschool. W for whatever reason is feeling extremely exhausted. W ok'd me coming by even though it's not my visiting day. I showed up with some food. Let W go lay down and took care of the kids until bed time. Ironically when my S is sick, he behaves REALLY well. Anyways, was about to leave when kids went to bed, but end up talking to the W for about an hour. It was rather nice. I think we made a step forward in regards to communication. W indicated that now she feels ok to talk to me about things and feels like I can listen to her and not offer solution or judgement. Last couple days I've been the person she immediately calls when she's feeling upset because her brother has been very hard and judgemental on her actions. I guess it's really nice that she feels she can turn towards me now and look for support. She did not feel this way before. Hopefully that's a step towards her lowering her walls....

She did mention that she's a little afraid of Retro, that all that emotion may overwhelm her. I told her she'll have to deal with it sometimes and it's part of the process of letting things go. Speaking of Retro, how soon are they suppose to contact you? It's been a week since I sent in my registration and check and I have not heard anything. Should I contact the local reps?

[Sara]

I'm sure they will send you the info. But it can't hurt to make a follow-up phone call. When is the weekend?

[theforlornhope]

Dave, You're sounding good. I dropped that pkg in the mail. should be tue/wed when you get it.

W indicated that now she feels ok to talk to me about things and feels like I can listen to her and not offer solution or judgement.

Big step forward. Don't push.

She did mention that she's a little afraid of Retro, that all that emotion may overwhelm her. I told her she'll have to deal with it sometimes and it's part of the process of letting things go.

IMHO that was a very good response. I wish I was quick enough on my feet to come up with validating non-judgemental responses like that. (normally my smart-&##-edness jumps out.)

I bet she IS afraid. Guilt s&$#s.

I'm glad she's still willing to go. Even if things go really south, I can't imagine that it won't be beneficial for communicating as far as the kids go.

Stay Strong.

[azhira]

Good positives... You're making progress.

Don't be too surprised if she pulls back soon. Anger/distance is common after inching closer.

[DaveJ]

Well, S still has slight fever. Went in the morning and spent time with the kids. Retro called to confirm. I've told the W previous what they would ask. Well, even so it didn't go well. She said yes to them. But she started feeling all down. Saying that she felt like she's lying to them. She isn't going there to work on our M and etc etc. She's thinking of backing out. She said that just the weekend it's a lot of money and that she does not want to do the followups. She is very adamant that she will not change her mind there about us. I told her that we are there to work on our relationship and communication. It would be for the kids if not for us. And that is priceless and money shouldn't be a concern. I also said that I'm really not expecting any miracles. I can't afford to get my hopes up anymore. I can't survive another let down like that. So don't expect me thinking that we go to Retro and some miracle happens and she will want this M again.

Any which way, she said she is full of anger and resentment towards me because she felt the mess that I've put us in. She says she feels that way went I'm around too much. Personally I think it's more her guilt of the Retro phone call rather than anything else. Anyways, so I was asked to leave. Oh well.... I guess it's the ups and downs. I think I just starting to really realize how much resentment/anger she has towards me..... I really hope Retro will help her let go some of that. It's very difficult for us to even move our friendship forward when she is not letting that go.

At least we are still going to the state fair tomorrow....

[azhira]

I hear lots of talk about your W. What are you doing for you? How's the working out going?

[DaveJ]

Well, I finally made it to the gym again last night after 3 weeks of craziness. Was light headed right after I stepped out of the locker room. I know I ate and drank plenty before I got there. So it could be some weirdness with my nerves or meds or who knows.

I finally got some sleep after deciding to take my Zoloft in the morning and taking a sleeping pill. My goal is to be able to sleep through the night w/o any meds or at least something non-addictive. Zoloft is definitely giving me insomnia if I take it before I go to sleep.

Hope we can all go to the State Fair this weekend. It's the last weekend.... Taking the kids trick treating Wednesday night. That ought to be fun. My S wants to be Bob the Builder again. My D is going to be a pumpkin.

In general I'm just trying to get my life calmed down again and be normal and get in a routine. Figuring out what to do on weekends is another story.... One weekend at a time I suppose. Will try to make it to the archery range the week after. And then I think it's Retro after that....

[theforlornhope]

Dave, sounds good on the GAL. Good job getting to the gym. (did you get that workout I sent yet? I mailed it Thur or Fri.)

Archery sounds good. Pretty relaxing. Last year was my first deer season with a bow. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it.

Keep up the good work.