One day at a time, #3

[LuvMyHusband]

I almost forgot, as upset as I was last night and this morning. some things my H said to me actually gave me some hope and made me wonder. Please let me know what you think. Maybe I'm reaching.

He said "you want me to come back but you'd have to make changes and you will never do that".

He was saying how bad things had been for years and wanted me to agree. My response was "I think that there has also been a lot of love, fun, laughter, making love and wonderful times, that's what I think". He said "there have been awesome times but it's all buried beneath hurt and betrayals".

He's also trying pretty hard to "convince" me that he has not had a sexual R with the OW. Nor has he filed for D or even mentioned it. He just says that there has been so much that he feels buried. That if I keep trying to control him (which I'm not) and keep beating him up that he will keep running. Personally I think he's running from pain and anger but also from guilt. What amazed was that this is the second time that he has brought up that his porn problem had nothing to do with me.

Any thoughts?

[LuvMyHusband]

Ok, I'm excited but will not let H know it. D8 just got off the phone with him. He told her that he would be here Sunday or Monday and would stay for Halloween. He said he would take her and S13 to the Haunted Forest. She asked if Mom could go too and he said if she wants to.

What was strange today is that when I got home and checked caller ID I saw that his dad had called from his cell phone. Didn't leave a message but I wondered why my FIL was calling me. I'm curious but not going to call him back.

So, I know that I can't show him to much attention. I need to act as if, no R or OW talk. I need advice! What if he brings up R or OW? I doubt it but want to know what to do if he does.

Thanks everyone.

[LL44]

husband, that would definately make your wife curious....

hey luv, I can pretty much guarantee he won't bring OW up, and if he brings R up, then you can do what you have been doing, keeping it light, don't buy into his spew and change the subject.

[nephartiti]

Just act As If, don't crowd him, be busy, GAL. Let him have safe time with the kids.

[saffie]

One thought Luv, if he tries bringing up subjects you don't want to talk about or you think would create conflict, is to smile and be nice and tell him that you would like some 'Happy' time together to remind you both of the 'awsome' times and can you talk about the other stuff another time.

Saffie

[Dr LOve]

Hey luv,

Ya see the Sun came up this morning..( well it is still dark here but I know it will be here soon) .. and you thought it was the end.


Husband

[LuvMyHusband]

Thanks everyone. very good suggestions. Thanks H. Yes, but when he comes to see me, then it will be a very good day. He's coming to see them.

I am going to be finding things to do while he is here so that he doesn't feel like I am hovering but I also don't want him to feel like I am ignoring him. So need to find a middle ground. I know how important it is for his time here to go well.

[LuvMyHusband]

should I go with him and the kids to the Haunted Forest? I would really like to but am not sure about it. But if I don't go, the kids will be disappointed and he may feel like I am rejecting, I don't know.

[saffie]

If the atmosphere is good then go. Don't think he has just come to see the childre; he has come to spend time with his family.

You need to build up a good feeling bank. open a nice moments account and put some deposits in it.

Saffie

[LuvMyHusband]

I like how you put that Saffie. I need to spend the next day or two remembering the good times and not worrying about the bad. It will help my demeanor improve. I didn't have any contact with H yesterday. Yeah, I know, just one day. He said he would be here tomorrow or Sunday so I'm not planning on any contact until he walks through the door.

Should I hug him? He seems to want to hug when he sees me. Always does.