I mentioned that I would want to be involved decisions concerning their future, but we both agreed that not every decision needed to be discussed.
doesnt sound like SHE agreed that you would be involved in decisions concerning their future. you might want to keep that in mind.
Sounds like she talked you into a "not every decision needs to be discussed", because she then will free to make decisions herself; and if you complain about it; "But you said we didnt have to discuss everything".
But at this point, i think it probably isnt worth bringing it up again. You have made it clear that you wont go along completely silently, so she no longer has that false impression. That's good.
So, i wish you well on continued improvements with your relationship with your wife.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
hiscott I wasn't sure about this until you posted the thing about your last conversation.
Your situation sounds a lot like mine, high pressure jobs, families and life. My wife finally broke and the easiest thing to do was remove me out of the situation. Often over the last several months she's talked about how much happier she is, how she's not as stressed etc. But it was all a facade that she put on to try to convince everyone including herself that the whole thing was better for everyone.
Fast forward to today, 11 months later and its becoming clear she is starting to see a) the grass isn't greener, b) she had a good loving husband, c) there are even greater demands and stresses on her now she's mainly on her own and d) the kids are as resilient as she wants to believe.
Her comment "I suppose" is telling in that she can see past the bad now and possibly see how it can be rebuilt new and better.
So for you keep a positive attitude and continue to focus on you and the kids. Be the responsible adult and show kindness, even love. Don't initiate any further discussions and if she brings them up, listen and validate what she says.
So the whole thing about trust and how everyone is doing I think was actually a positive because she's seeing things in you that are good.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
For the record, I absolutely do not see this from the same perspective as Dom R. No disrespect intended (since Dom sounds Italian!!). I see it that she is trying to 'rationalize' how good the current situation (separation) is and was trying to do a sales job on you for that.
If your wife is like mine, she is trying to convince everyone around her (including herself) that all is great in the separation. Basically, it is just an extension of everything being okay and normal with what led up to the separation. I personally wouldn't read anything more than that into it. She wants to think that she didn't screw up...
As for your conversation with her afterwards, small bump. Just keep doing what you were doing before, don't pursue, and don't talk anymore about a building block. Talk is meaningless... either make it happen via your deeds or end up with a friendship between the parents.
Good news, bad news, I guess. The not in a hurry to file is a cushion. contiue to DB, and prepare yourself for what happens if it does come to D. Either way, you'll be better off.
Why wouldn't she be happy how you are right now? She's in the house with your kids and you're not. It's a lot harder if you're reading to your kids, and closing the door and leaving. I know, because I've been there. I didn't mean to go off yesterday, but the cavalier attitude of these WASs, thinking "kids are resilient", blah, blah, blah. My kids are devastated by the fact that their parents may divorce.
I also didn't mean to imply that your being here for as long as me is any type of badge of honor, it's that I've seen so many people come and go here, it's disheartening. There are more reconciliations that I thought, however.
Hang in there. Continue to love your kids. Don't fall apart like I originally did...
Good news, bad news, I guess. The not in a hurry to file is a cushion. contiue to DB, and prepare yourself for what happens if it does come to D. Either way, you'll be better off.
Why wouldn't she be happy how you are right now? She's in the house with your kids and you're not. It's a lot harder if you're reading to your kids, and closing the door and leaving. I know, because I've been there. I didn't mean to go off yesterday, but the cavalier attitude of these WASs, thinking "kids are resilient", blah, blah, blah. My kids are devastated by the fact that their parents may divorce.
I also didn't mean to imply that your being here for as long as me is any type of badge of honor, it's that I've seen so many people come and go here, it's disheartening. There are more reconciliations thatn I thought, however.
Hang in there. COntinue to love your kids. Don't fall apart like I originally did...
