He's on Match.com

[Dom R]

OT: if your opinion on whether a particular piece of advice I give is good, is based on your viewpoint of my past history and your opinion on whether I am "projecting" or not... then you arent objectively analyzing the advice that I give.

Advice is good or bad, based on whether it fits the person it is given to, not based on the person giving it.

Objectively speaking, the facts show that Agent's husband cares about the way she looks. There is only a murky area about the degree of importance it has to him.

As reguards my wife:
I find your assumptions about her motivations to be somewhat insulting, in that I feel like they are also to some degree "against me".
You did not at all acknowlege anything in my post.

- You did not acknowlege my point about spouses being hurt from a lack of response in personal looks from their spouses.

- You did not acknowlege in any way, the issue that my wife was involved with another man.

It is commonly known, that when people have affairs, they suddenly start paying attention to their looks, get all spruced up, new hairstyles, hit the gym, etc.
Objectively, it would seem to be most likely that what I said was true.

But you ignored all that, and instead a statement, that she probably did it for herself. {now that she was free from Dom}

For the record: I have disconnected myself from her choices about her weight. As I said.. I do *worry* about her. But I no longer view what she does in that area, as something that she does on my account. I dont "take it personally", as to what she does currently.

However, that does not mean that her choices at the time, werent to get back at me. Nor does it mean that it is appropriate and right, for people to completely detach and not care about their spouses' appearance.

I have detached as a self-defense mechanism.
But things could have been different.
She could have chosen to take better care of herself when I asked her to, and then it could have been an incredibly strong, positive thing between us. I would have been so grateful, and happy, that she chose to tackle something that i know is really really difficult for her, on my account.

but now... I have let it go, and detached.
You may see it as something I should have done anyway.
I see it, as a missed opportunity for closeness, and bonding.

Agent99 isnt anywhere near that situation, of it being quite so important for health reasons. and her husband's interest is purely selfish.
That being said... IF her husband is seriously interested in seeing that from her... (i'm not quite so sure any more.. depends on her answer about the checkboxes)... then it could be an opportunity for closeness, and bonding, for them.


"projection", is a phenomenon of casting a false image(metaphorical, or otherwise) of something, over a neutral backdrop. I dont think agent99's "image" is the same as my old one; i acknowlege that her situation, is different from mine. However, I do think there are some similarities.. and I in no way believe that it is a "neutral" situation in that area for them.