What a good year this has been.....

[forever21]

Okay, for my update.....

Needing to get more organized with everything in my head.

H has been trying to act loving to me, but that has been mixed with anger and anxiety when we've spoke. He really doesn't seem to be interested in divorcing as a solution. He has had ample opportunity to jump all over it but says he doesn't want to. I am pretty sure he is seeing the OW though. He has gone out of his way to make up stories so that I don't jump to conclusions. It's funny.

Last we spoke was a week ago Wednesday. I had actually called him that time, on his way to work. I hadn't called him out of the blue like that for a long time. I decided to follow up with him as he hadn't gotten back to me like he said he was going to, and I had a C appt that day. I had some things I wanted to talk about before I went to that. Yeah, probably not all that wise but I don't regret it as it was some good fact-finding. He got crabby and the convo wasn't going great, and I cut it short... told him I didn't mean to intrude on his life. He texted me later to say he was sorry and blamed his crabbiness on the traffic that caused him to get to work at the last minute. He said it was not an intrusion on his life at all, and he said a lot of other nice things. Okay. When we were talking it seemed as though he would like for me to call just to say ILY, IMY, all that stuff... so I told him that, and he said "that would be nice". I told him I had avoided doing that even when I felt like it because I didn't want him to feel pressured, but wanted to show him that I just wanted him to be happy. He said I have showed him that... but I know he could've just been sayin that. Anywho, we texted back and forth some that night... just friendly stuff.

Last Saturday night he had sent me a text acting all loving and sayin that he needed to talk with me in the next couple days about financial stuff (saying "no fun!"). Well, I got back to him a day later but hadn't heard from him again all week until this morning. I'll get back to that in a sec.

I'd called him Tuesday evening and left him a voicemail in case he was expecting me to call him. No reply. Yesterday morning, I called again but didn't leave another message. I needed to get some paperwork to him. Last night, pretty late, I sent a text to let him know I'd dropped the insurance paperwork by his bro's for him. I decided to have a little fun with that. I could have waited until this morning because it was almost 11pm when I thought I should tell him, but I figured I'd send it then and be all lovey with him. Heheeee.

In his text this morning he was all lovey again as well, and thanked me twice. Said he's "been kinda busy", lol, and "We should talk here soon. Like today. Is there a good time to call u? Let me know, ok?" Lol. He's probably working today, so he's free to talk with me finally. I hope he doesn't think he's good at this living a double life stuff.

I am going to follow my same game plan I had prepared on Sunday. I am thinking it is very likely that it is going to be a big emergency for him about the finances. He'll probably expect me to go in the back yard and harvest the money off the tree for him myself. I am going to be like.... I know, what are we gonna do? and really be lovey. I'm such a bitch. lol. Sorry, H, I don't know what to do. We really need to come up with some solutions though. I will cut the convo short and tell him to get back to me with any ideas he has.

Little does he know, I'll be on a tropical beach surfing and sunning myself over the next week. Happy anniversary to me. Today is one year from the date he officially left. Sigh. I deserve this and I wasn't gonna let our timeshare week go to waste.

Anything you think I need to be mindful of for this convo, please share it with me. I always get nervous.