Quite honestly, I am GLAD your 2bx is with another person (sorry for her, though). It WILL allow you to BE angry, something I'm sure you have not allowed yourself to be for YEARS. Part of my catharsis, beyond me having the 'guilt' of being the one to leave, is that I have... bit by bit, allowed myself to be angry, bitter, hurt, depressed, stressed... and HAPPY. Joyful. Excited. The whole range of the gamut.
As my shrink pounds on me... divorce... especially long-term Ms, are like a death. The emotions you have regarding it do not, and are often not... RATIONAL. But they are THERE. Ignoring them, or talking yourself OUT of them (because you are the one who left), doesn't matter. The EMOTIONS matter. Try not to stuff them, even if you can't figure them out.
Just from personal experience, dear.
As for the surprise thingy... if you were anything other than a TODDLER MONKEY... I doubt GF would be so enamored of you. Be you. Be honest. If he has to do the JENNIFER thing, fine. But... screw it. You are Who You Are. Jesus. When's the LAST TIME someone planned a surprise for you?
Toddle monkey to your heart's content. When you get a bit used to it, the Swan can come out and be calm.
