My Wife wants out..still!!

[Heimlich]

I know exactly how you feel. My W has been talking (and most likely is seeing) the once and future OM over the summer. How she could even begin to think about choosing a man who has had two affairs over me boggles my mind.

What I've come to realize is that, you know what, it's her loss. She's a big girl. If she wants to make what I consider an absolutely horrendous decision, there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Once she realizes (if she ever does) what she's lost in me and being able to give our girls what I consider the gift of a solid nuclear family, then it becomes my decision of whether or not I would want to try with her at that point. For now, the answer would be yes. At some point in the future, that ship is going to sail. I don't know when, I just know it will.

I know it's hard, but you've got to let her go. Thinking about her and her choices doesn't do anything but get you worked up. You have to accept the fact that you do not have a husband/wife relationship with your W. Right now, and maybe forever, that R is dead. Maybe she'll decide to create a new one with you. Maybe not. Either way, get out of her way so that she can get there on her own.

And, yes, the fact that our W's shared their emotions and concerns with someone else and not us is a huge violation of us, our vows, and our trust. It is wrong. To me, I would have preferred that my W just f&ck another man rather than fall in love with one. Hearing another man's name and soulmate in the same sentence is not pleasant.

So, what do you want to do? Is the fact that she is having an EA a deal breaker for you? If so, fine. That's one decision. If not, go back and reread the advice everyone has given you.

It takes time. Less or more depending on the person, but the pain does begin to go away. The hurt will become an ache, then a twinge then an occassional, oh yeah, I remember what that felt like.

BD