OK, OK, I was too hasty. But your H pisses me off. I just don't like him at all right now.
Anyway, most of what you said makes good sense to me.
"I have snooped in the past when I didn't have any funny feelings, and never found anything. I think my instincts are pretty honed now - I think I found something precisely BECAUSE my instincts were telling me something was off."
This especially makes me feel better. I agree it suggests both that your insticts are working well and that there was likely not other stuff to find before.
"- She seemed not so much to be shooting him down as oblivious and not taking the bait"
This, though, doesn't ring true to me. (1) She blew him off and did not meet with him, (2) she solved the insurance thing herself, (3) she didn't accept his invites for a date. I'd say this is definitely pushing him away. My guess is that she ran from his increasing flirtatiousness/pursuit.
And, I don't see really how she could see it as anything else. If some guy was talking about how my intensity made it hard for him to focus on driving, was calling me sweetie, giving me hugs, asking me out on dinner dates, I think I'd be hard pressed not to conclude he was pursuing me.
Also I still think you are a bit naive about H. I guess I see him having more power and agency with respect to his involvement with women than I see you suggesting in your words. His words and actions are pretty openly flirtatious and pursuing. His actions pretty darn calculated (planning dates while you are away, the careful deletion of the emails, hiding his contact with her from you as it was occuring...)
Still I can also see how it could have served as a big wake up call for H and really caused him to wake up and appreciate you a bit. Let's hope that's what happened and that it sticks.
In any case, as for action-right-now, I still think you have a good plan.
