One day at a time, #3

[LuvMyHusband]

got it, thanks H. I'm calming down.

[LL44]

saffie is right.

This is so hard on us, being in the dark, the one left behind, the really hurt one, the confused one. Yet we need to hold it together for ourselves and our kids. Very trying and frustrating. I understand venting here, I truly do. But you always sound so proud of yourself (and more peaceful) when you push this mess away from you a bit, and focus on yourself. Its so hard, I am thinking of you.

[LuvMyHusband]

I know what you mean. I also know that I'm allowing fear to rule me and control my actions. I'm not helping anything with engaging with him. I'm just so afraid that things will never work out.

[saffie]

Luv,

I feel I am always hitting you with a 2x4. I don't mean to be horrid.

You know, once when I was in a quandary about something, I was talking things through with a friend. It was a situation I had sought professional advice about but I obviously wasn't happy because I kept questioning what I had been told. My friend answer to me was

"you sought and paid for professional advice. I cannot see anything has changed since you got that advice. The person that advised you was an expert in their field. Until you have followed their advice and it doesn't work I suggest you do not seek further advice. At the moment you just are not heeding the advice you were given because it is easier to do that than to follow it".

I felt really pissed at this person for saying this to me. But you know what, when I thought about it, she was right. And the advice I had been given worked - I just didn't fancy following it - I wanted an easy, magic cure - which didn't exist.

Try what your C suggested.

saffie

[nephartiti]

Hi Luv.

Sorry you had a rough morning, but you have made progress. You did not give in to your impulse to e-mail him. That is progress. Good for you!

I know it is hard. Believe me, I know it is hard. It will get easier.

[nephartiti]

Saffie, come hit me with a 2X4 once in a while, will ya? I'm thinking of setting one up in the hallway, so I can just walk into it regularly.

[Yoyowife]

LOL, Neph, good one. Maybe you could sell those on here. Automatic 2x4.

[LuvMyHusband]

Thanks everyone. Saffie, you need a bigger board, maybe a 4 x 4, is there a 4 x 4???

I have been repeating to myself all day. I will not get drawn in, I will not get drawn in, repeat, repeat. I will start living my life. Period. I am getting off the merry go around. I can't remember who said it but I think the next time he does ask to talk to me, I am going to be busy. Since I'm having a hard time, it's probably better we don't talk for a few days.

[LuvMyHusband]

and when it gets down to it, it's not going to break me to pay one more month of his bills. Maybe by then, things will calm down if I don't allow myself to be drawn in.

Except, he keeps telling me that I am being controlling (which he has accused me of before) by not giving him the money. Am I? I'm not being spiteful. I just need to make sure the kids and I are provided for and he can provide for himself.

[Yoyowife]

Thanks everyone. Saffie, you need a bigger board, maybe a 4 x 4, is there a 4 x 4???

Well, there is a 4x4 truck, and I'm sure many of us feel like we have been ran over by one!

As far as giving him money, why? You are going to pay the bills and support the kids, why does he need your money? Is there a reason he can't work? If not, then he needs to get out work like the rest of us! You are not being vengeful! You are being realisitic, he's the one that needs to wake up.