What a good year this has been.....

[forever21]

HA, HS. What body language? The body language that said you might have found something interesting on the ground.... but then you were looking up, not down. So confusing. lol.


Bethie! Nice to hear from you last night. What a day yesterday. I am so lucky for good friends from these boards. I was smiling and laughing and feeling really good inside at the end of the day. Yesterday was a challenging one, for sure. The full moon might've been having an effect. By being as proactive and accountable as I could, I managed to keep fairly good control. No backslides that my H got to see.

A big part of me wanted to break down and just scream and cry, but I didn't end up needing to. Some tears came but they were very short-lived. I was pretty busy running errands, so that helped. I figured it'd be one of those inevitable cry fests when I had time to relax, but it wasn't. Yay! Woke up feeling just as great this morning. It's been a decent week, I have to say. And the next week will be better!!! I'll report on that later. Was it a rough work week for you, or just enough working?

Thank you, Jules and Kim07!!!!! I fought a good fight yesterday... to not lose hold of the detachment I have had. Big sigh. I'm winning, THANKS TO YOU BOTH.

Beth, what you wrote here...."...so I told him that he had to get off the fence and file." ....is exactly what was going through my mind yesterday. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately), there is a voice in my head that plays the devil's advocate. Maybe even better than that is me having more control over not giving myself an out. I've told my H more than once to just file already, but I have yet to really push the issue with him... which I'm guessing you had to do for your H to follow through.? I don't blame you for not "having it in you" to bide more time with kids involved. I've often thought that would be a whole different story.

Thanks for sharing with me that you think my H might still be in the game here. I get this feeling too, but who knows if I should trust it. I sometimes wonder if he is only dragging this out for financial reasons. I can continue DBing him, and hope more will be revealed.

I stop giving the positives value when I struggle staying detached enough to. I historically have a hard time ignoring the negatives. I do good with not obsessing over them, but having a zero tolerance policy with him isn't working for now. That would have to come later. I don't think that will bring him back if I quit every time I know he's living another life behind my back. I remember now my C validating this approach a couple months ago, but right after that is when I discovered some stuff and felt like I had to be done with him. Hasn't seemed to really matter that I've gotten off course, as I have recovered each time. I'm empowering myself and doing my best... that's all I can ask of me.

My C said that we remind him of the movie Groundhog Day. Phil does eventually transform into a good guy, after many replays of the same day. I will post more in a litte bit, to shed a little more light on where things are at right now.

Have a fabulous Friday and weekend!!

Peace and love. f21