There and Back #11

[Trixi]

The book is being shipped to me as I type. I am REALLY excited to get this.
Once I am done with it, it may be passed along to my mother who has NO idea what people don't tell her because it's not 'safe' to do so.
So glad you posted it.

[nephartiti]

Wow about your dream, Morgan. Is the OW divorced. I assume she is, but just wondering.

May I say that I hate that divorce has become some kind of sick "right of passage" in our society?

I hear you with the "angry" days. Seems like I have those most of the time. It's a nasty feeling. I'd almost rather be all weepy. Time for Tae Bo, eh?

I can't wait to pick up that book and start reading! I'm glad so many people are jumping on board too!

Hope your day is great, Morgan.

[hiscott]

Morgan,

That dream about walking around OW house sounds horrible. Clearly, I've obsessed over W and OM, but I'm fortunate that I never remember my dreams.

I've also ordered the book and look forward to some tips on preparing for my conversations with W. I've made some great progress my own personal growth and am much more confident. But, often when I'm with W I tend to lose that confidence and fall back into some pursuing behavior. I dont want to mess up another crutial conversation.

[Astimegoeson]

weird dreams all night last night.

Strange because I had one of those classic dreams last night where you go to an important function and forget to put pants on.

[care]

Hey there, just wanted to say good luck tomorrow. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. You have my cell number. Use it. I have hockey in the morning, a confirmation in the afternoon and football in the evening but I'll have my phone with me.

You're going to do fine. Believe it. Then breathe.

[SallyM]

thanks so much, everyone. I really appreciate the support here. I feel like even though I have to deal with this on my own, you will all be there in my corner, and that makes a huge difference.

care, if you don't mind, i will likely call you tonight or (more likely) tomorrow. I really appreciate the offer, and know how busy you are. I have written down a lot of the advice you offered in your previous posts to me. going to try to keep them in mind.

have been reading crucial conversations and am getting so much out of it. not sure i will master, or even get very good at applying the techniques by tomorrow, but think its definitely helpful and hopefully enough will sink in to make a difference. taking a break from it till tonight, should finish it no problem by tomorrow.

[forever21]

Hi Morgan,

Just checking in real quick. You sound good. Keep up the good work. That was quite a dream you had. Gotta love those. Your mind is obviously working hard to process all the information it needs to. That book sounds interesting. I could use that too.

Want to point out to you that it doesn't have to be two women fighting over your H. Let her scramble for him... that will get old to him and end up being very unattractive. You can show some interest, like you're doing, in a lovingly detached way while you move on with your life and let him do the pursuing of you.

Happy Friday to you and everyone reading!

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Best to you.

[Gingersnap]

Morgan,

Thinking of you as you near tomorrow's discussion. I hope you are able to use the tools you get out of Crucial Conversations. I'm thinking of getting it myself, as one of us clearly needs to address our issues.

Please update us as soon as you can so we don't worry about you, ok?!

HUGS!

[mkultra]

Yes, please stay positive. You can always play dumb like me. It can be so comforting. Hey, I used to be a militant feminist but sometimes letting go and playing dumb works. Smile and parrot.

[SallyM]

hey all,

I had a good day today overall. H came early to get the kids, juts about an hour early, but thankfully I had just finished clearing my computer history and was playing with d3 when he got here, so I was in a good mood and not caught too unawares. I had them all packed, so he didn't have too much to do to get them ready. I was cheerful, didn't need to even act as if, really, it was just natural. H, on the other hand, looked very uncomfortable. hey, he knows his agenda for tomorrow, guessing that is not always a good thing...anticipation and all that. at least i can still pretend its about something else if I need to. lol. he's used to my emotional breakdowns when he confronts me about something, so it can't be easy to expect it.

I said goodbye to the kids and to him and he asked me why I was being so smiley to him. I am pleased to say I did not snark back at him, but at the same time, my face did. its going to take me a while to really get the techniques in the book down. lol. but I'll take the proud.

I've done a lot of thinking tonight. haven't read anymore (I'm about halfway thru), will read more tomorrow. instead, focused on processing what I've already read, what my friend and I talked about today (talked to my friend, the therapist, for about an hour...great talk), what my fears/thoughts are for tomorrow. I had one moment where i was sad, looking around my living room and realizing this is where its going to happen. then I got in my car and called my sister and got sad again because, although she hides it, I think she is happy about tomorrow. I think she is just ready for this to be over, with me moving on and closing this chapter once and for all. I think other people need resolution more than I even do. and honestly I'd probably feel similar if this was happening to a friend/sister instead of myself. (no, I'm not thinking for her, btw, she said as much the other day).

went and saw Dan in Real Life and loved it. a good movie...was an interesting one to watch, but I also found myself reflecting on myself and my situation during it.

I feel pretty good, once again, about tomorrow. its going to be hard, don't get me wrong, but I feel like if I can stick to the things I will write in the notebook I plan to have on hand (have them on a piece of paper, need to transfer them), that I will be okay. going to try my best to actively listen, not judge, not make it unsafe, to not answer anything, to stick to information gathering and ask for what I need (time to process) when it comes up. If only things would go as well as I have them in my mind, I know I'll be okay. again I come back to the childbirth analogy...you can plan, you can prepare, but there are bound to be things that go differently than you hoped for.

I really appreciate all of your support here. I feel like even though I'll be alone during it, I feel like you guys are with me in spirit. amazing how that helps.